Monday, April 28, 2008

I guess if this is my greatest source of frustration today then it's a good day!

I'm super irritated. I've been trying all day to watch the latest episode of LOST online but for whatever reason the stupid website won't load. It would have been perfect if I could have watched it alone this morning with no interruptions. Really even watching it now would be cool, the kids are asleep and all. ARGH! Anyway - sometimes I miss my DVR!

Butterfly swarms...

You know how usually when you see a butterfly you think that they are pretty or it's just kind of a cool novelty? Well I was driving yesterday on the 210 in San Bernardino and there were swarms of butterflies. There were so many of them that I was driving down the freeway literally cringing as one after another met it's death on my windshield. Oh my gosh was horrible... I felt bad that they were dying but to tell you the truth I think I'm even more disgusted at the sight of all those dead butterflies covering my car!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Ella...

Will be 7 tomorrow. First of all it seems unreal to me that it's even possible that she's already going to be 7! Unfortunately, as I feared, her birthday has another memory tied to it for her now. Last year on the day that we had her birthday party life sort of exploded. She came to me this morning and the gist of the conversation was that she associates her dad leaving with her birthday. I knew it was a possibility but I had hoped that it wouldn't end up that way. So I had to make sure she knew that her dad didn't leave because it was her birthday or because of anything else she did. Then there's the fact that, according to Ella, all the other kids at her dad's house have gotten a party and lots of presents for their birthday. She said her dad told her she doesn't get a party because he doesn't have enough money. To her that was like telling her she doesn't count as much as the other 8 kids he had parties for. Ouch! It left me wondering how much it costs to bake a cake and let the other kids buy her gifts from the 99 cent store? It wouldn't take much to make her feel special! All told though she is handling it really well. We talked for a few minutes she seemed to be ok by the time we finished. It helped that she has some birthday money to spend and I told her we could go shopping... there's almost nothing wrong in her little world that a set of fake nails or a pair of shoes couldn't fix!

Friday, April 25, 2008

I've been trying...

To update the link to "Blogs I read" on my page. In fact I've updated the list now three times. Then, every time, when I hit the save button something goes wrong and it doesn't update. I give up! I was going to give some love to all the other blogs I read since the list on my page only has about a third of them but I'm not trying it a fourth time. I guess for now I'm just going to leave the list the same... old, stale, and incomplete!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Karma!

Is a funny thing... I think it's more logic than some cosmic voodoo. I mean if you choose to surround yourself with people who are willing to participate in immoral or unethical activities WITH you what do you think the chances are that they won't eventually do something immoral or unethical AGAINST you? I'm just sayin'!
Now that's not to say that I think there is never a spiritual component to it. I'm just saying that in most cases your behavior and who you surround yourself with can pretty accurately predict your future "karma." It's always interesting to me when someone comes back around with their tail firmly tucked between their legs and acts like you're going to give the "I told you so" speech, and maybe I would if I cared that much... but I don't. I'd just prefer that you keep your chaos away from the people I love thanks!

Getting back to life!

I've been sleeping insane amounts just trying to kick this cold that seems intent on kicking my butt! My sink got fixed (THANKS Dad!!!) but I hadn't taken the time to fully clean up the resulting mess - and all those leftovers that had begun to look like science experiments in the containers I had pulled out of the fridge nearly a week ago! YUCK! So today I got in the kitchen and cleaned... I CLEANED! My floor is still disgusting but the counters are clean, the range is pretty clean, I even cleaned to hood. The dishwasher is running, but best of all there are no dirty dishes on the counter and I have cancelled the ticket on those "science experiments!" Now if I could just get the floor clean, the living room vacuumed and dusted (don't lift my couch cushions!!! ewww), the kids rooms clean, the laundry done, folded and put away, the toilets cleaned, and the van cleaned out it would be awesome! On second thought maybe I'll take my friends theory of "one big thing." She says all you have to do is "one big thing" a day. Then again she doesn't have four kids! If I just did one big thing a day, I would be loosing ground at a pace of at least three big things a day!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

What happens when mom is sick...

The kids want to help - but I won't let them feel like it's their job to take care of me so I go about trying to function as a "normal" mom. They feel bad and do a ton of sweet things for me like painting my toenails (a paint job only a mother could love I assure you), and combing my hair. They don't really want to leave my side so they are super duper snuggly which is definitely one of the upsides of feeling like crap!
They cheer when hot dogs and baked beans are on the dinner menu even though it's really because it's one of the few things I could fix without using my kitchen sink which, by the way, is still clogged.
It's nearing bedtime and I'm actually thinking it would be nice to drag all their blankets into the living room and let them have a slumber party and watch a movie. Honestly I think part of the reason it seemed like a good idea was so that I didn't have to tell them to be quiet and go to sleep 18 times. I wasn't going to suggest it though... and then as if they had read my mind in unison they all ask for some variation of what was in my head. Ella asks if we can watch a show together. Isaiah asks if they can sleep in the living room. Sophia says she wants to snuggle me, and Abby agrees with them all... so tonight in my living room I have about a dozen blankies a handful of pillows and 4 amazing kids all quietly watching Barnyard.
Even sick, life is good!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

It's fun... and it does some good.

I found this on Kathy's blog and, well, I could get addicted! It's a fun vocab game and when you answer correctly rice is donated... no really, rice. It's donated thru the UN world food program to help end hunger. So you can sit on your butt, learn new words, and feed the world! Well maybe not the world but at least a mouth or two! Here you go:
http://freerice.com/index.php
Enjoy!

Because when it rains...

It POURS! I'm feeling like a pile of excrement but still trying to function as a mom. So today, because we had run out of peanut butter and chicken nuggets and milk (almost) and, and, and... I went to the store... with four kids. By the time we were done I was hanging on to my stomach for dear life, trying not to vomit. When I got home I pulled some really old leftovers out of the fridge and figured I'd have Isaiah rinse them out for me later.
Well, after dinner I asked him to rinse them out... which he did, well except that the garbage disposal wouldn't work, the sink got clogged up, and a heaping portion of foul old leftovers somehow managed to leak under my kitchen sink...
Oh, and my porch light burnt out too. I need a vacation!

I just realized...

Isaiah and Sophia basically have the same haircut! Is anyone else as disturbed by this as I am?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Kids only share...

When you don't want what they've got! Dude I'm sick... I'll start at the top and work my way down... my head is pounding, my nose is stuffed up, my throat feels like I swallowed sandpaper and screamed for a week straight, my stomach is churning, and while I could keep moving south I think I'll spare you the details on the rest of my issues. Basically my whole body aches. All of this is courtesy of one of my lovely children who shared generously one of the few things I'd like her to be greedy with!
Is there a way to teach my kids to share toys, games, books, just stuff in general and somehow at the same time teach them to keep their freaking germs to themselves? Geez!

Because I am a Princess Bride fool!







"A princess bride personality test!"




You are Westley. Valiant, handsome and a great believer in the power of true love. You learn quickly, recover quickly and think quickly. Others marvel at your brilliance and wish they were you!
Take this quiz!








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Just one question though... why couldn't I have been the princess?

Monday, April 14, 2008

It's a theme...

Yesterday I went to church with Brian. The sermon title was "He'll Show His Glory If You Tell Your Story." It was a new take on a sermon I've heard a few times before at least. For those of you who attend The Grove you know that telling your story is important. Hearing the same general message come from the pulpit of another church was awesome for me. I just love when what I know is reinforced by more than one source.

I got my butt kicked in church. I know my GOD is bigger than my circumstances. So why have I allowed fear to take hold? I have let the idea of things become bigger than the reality of things. I've found myself worried about what COULD happen. I can't control the future. I can't change the past. I can only deal with what is present. I am reminded that nothing can happen that HE doesn't know is coming, that HE hasn't prepared me for, and that HE can't prevent if HE wills to.

I wrote my story a few years ago because I was prompted by GOD to do it. I resisted but finally obeyed. At the time it seemed silly to write out some kind of autobiography when I was so young. As it turned out God used it as a tool to show me where His hand had been at work in times when I couldn't see it. I also had assurance about things that I would soon need. I thought I knew then end of my story, not the details but at least the big picture. Well, life threw me for a loop. I find myself waiting for God to reveal the rest of my story, but I have an assurance that HE will provide. I can see where He has in the past and so I know He will in the future. He promises to restore what the locusts have eaten. I am so excited for the day when I can add to the end of my story the details of how He accomplishes that.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Lazy Days

Today is one of those lazy days. I slept till 9 which is like sleeping till noon for people without kids. I've snuggled with my girlies all morning. Ella has played master stylist and my hair has been in several very attractive (to a six year old) styles. I'm still in my pj's which isn't all that unusual for eleven in the morning... anyway it's a perfect day. Now I just need to get my house clean and some laundry done!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Superstupid!

Today was the kids regular Thursday visit with their dad. Which means it's my regular lunch date with Brian. Mind you they have absolutely no concept of that. I have NEVER mentioned seeing Brian. Aside from the fact that they know he is a friend of a friend who they have met (now twice) for a friendly game of basketball they have heard almost nothing about him. After they get home today Ella comes in and says "Where did you go when we were with dad today?" so I answered, honestly even if not completely, "Target, why?" So she tells me "Daddy said you were with Brian." I sidestepped the question and said "I wonder why he would say that. He didn't ask where I was going and I didn't tell him so he really didn't know where I was."
That was enough to satisfy both Isaiah and Ella. Then I texted Drew to ask what he told them about where I was today. He immediately got defensive back with me and said that "our son" told him I was "spending a lot of time with my friend Brian lately." So of course I KNOW that he's lying to me because the kids don't know I have spent any time with Brian. As far as they know I only really know Brian through my friend Kesha. Then he goes off on a diatribe about how he doesn't care what I do "in my personal life." So I told him I don't care if he cares what I do, but he needs to not talk to the kids about things that they don't need to know... especially when those things are none of his business AND are things that he doesn't really know anything about. Then again they don't need to see their dad cuss, smoke and drink either but that doesn't mean anything to him.
I knew he was going to pull a stunt like this soon because he made me aware that he had seen my myspace page. I knew that was his way of putting me on notice that he knew I was seeing someone. I also knew it meant he would use that information to his benefit at his earliest convenience.
Initially I tried to figure out why he would lie about telling them what he did and then it occurred to me... he lied about everything when he was married to me, why on earth would I expect him to stop lying now?
I'm pretty sure he thinks that if the kids know I'm dating it will make him feel like he's not doing anything wrong anymore... sure would be nice if he was more concerned with the kids well being than his own guilty conscience at this point. Then again, he has demonstrated time and again that his own desires and needs are far more important to him than the kids hearts.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

My make believe band

1. click here


The first article title is the name of your band.





2. click here


The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.





3. click here


The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.



So I'm not as creative as most of you... and don't know how to put my "band name" and "album title" on my "album cover" but this is my result anyway...

North Boondall railway station, Brisbane






Favor to the needy

Monday, April 7, 2008

This is where I went yesterday...

Yesterday Brian and I hiked, to this:
It was a pretty easy hike. Only a little over a half mile in... and as you come around a corner you hear it before you can see it. The hike in is mostly paved. Then you take a small trail to the falls. It was so beautiful and the pictures really don't do it justice! We spent about three hours total including the hike in and out. It was so much fun. I can't wait to do it again, though the next time we'll probably hike a little farther and stop at the falls on the way back. It was a perfect Sunday!

Friday, April 4, 2008

This is great! Well, not really.

In the process of getting all of my paperwork done for that background packet, I hopped on to the San Bernardino County Court records system to get the file number for my divorce. I have the paperwork but getting online was the lazy way out because I wouldn't have to dig through a file to get it and my computer was probably already in my lap. Well, because of my laziness I found this:

03/27/2008
RESTRAINING ORDER AFTER HEARING (CLETS) FILED. HEARING DATE: 03/27/08. ORDER EXPIRES: 03/27/11.

Um, that's all well and good... except that I didn't file for a restraining order. Actually, I did, but that was last year and I didn't pursue it and it was subsequently dismissed. So I'm perplexed and wondering if it is some kind of mistake and I call the court. The kind lady says that there is no mistake and in fact a restraining order was issued against my ex on my behalf. Wow, um ok. So I have a restraining order in place which is not necessary or beneficial at this point. It's also not exactly enforceable because I have no paperwork to support it - since I didn't file for the stupid thing in the first place! I called the attorney who helped me with my divorce to see what she thought I should do. She said I needed to print out the pages from the computer that show the divorce/restraining order stuff and take it to the court to show them that the only restraining order I filed for was dismissed so that the error can be fixed. It seems I don't have enough to do. So in the next week I'll be visiting the lovely court house in downtown San Bernardino to clear this up.

As an ironic side note, my ex offered to go with me to clear up the problem. Can you see that? We show up AT the court house. Tell them there is a restraining order in place... and we are standing two feet from each other... what do you think they'd do with that? Yeah I declined the offer. I'm not looking for drama. I'll handle it myself.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

After the park...

The kids and I went out to Temple City to visit my grandpa. He lives alone since my grandma's Alzheimer's got to the point where she needed to be in a home about a year and a half ago. We spent an hour or so with him and then went to visit grandma in the home. Visiting grandma is hard when I have other adults with me... but it's even harder by myself with four kids. God must have known I needed some comic relief because when we walked in to see grandma she was sitting alone in the recreation room thumbing a magazine. She didn't even have it open because she didn't really know what to do with it but I had to take a picture it struck me so funny. My grandma, who doesn't remember me or almost anyone else except on a good day my grandpa, was holding a Readers Digest magazine... and this was on the cover:

Yesterday was kind of major!

For a little background I should mention that my kids don't know that I have dated since the divorce. I don't plan on getting them attached to a guy I'm dating because frankly they have been through enough trauma and I don't want to add to it. At the same time I've been looking for a way for them to meet Brian but without them knowing I'm dating him. So last week my former Mother in law and sisters in law came to visit. That by the way is a blog of it's own but it was a really fun day. Anyway, they brought all the kids tons of gifts - they called them Easter baskets but they were more like Easter buckets... huge ones, and two for each kid. Among the many things they brought was a new basketball for Isaiah. Isaiah loves basketball but he hasn't gotten to play since the end of school last year. We don't have a hoop and the parks near our house aren't exactly kid friendly. In addition, in case you weren't aware, I suck at sports. However, Brian coached basketball for 9 to 12 year olds for somewhere around 8 years. So I told Isaiah that I had a friend who likes to play basketball and we could meet up for them to play sometime.
Yesterday was the big day. We went to a park in a better neighborhood near where Brian lives and he met us there. Isaiah had a blast playing basketball. All the kids liked him a ton. Sophia who doesn't always warm up to people quickly was begging for his attention. She kept saying "Brian, watch this..." most of the time she would fall on purpose to try to make him laugh. So after a few staged falls he runs over to the grass and says "Sophia, watch this..." and he falls. She thought that was pretty cool. This whole time he and Isaiah were playing basketball. Then Abby decides she wants to play... on Brian's team. Well at 5, and never having played basketball before, she was just playing her own version of keep-away but it was funny. Even Ella got into it... she wanted to play but Isaiah knew that she would handicap his game so she joined Brian's team too. Isaiah "won" the game by two points and he and Brian started talking about a rematch.
When the "game" was over I had the kids help me pick up all of our trash from lunch and I turn around and Abby is standing with Brian tossing the ball back and forth, chatting. Isaiah bet Brian "ten bucks" that he could beat him again next time. We said goodbye, got in the car and left. A few minutes later Ella says, "I like Brian. He's a very nice guy." A few minutes after that Isaiah says "Mom I have a question." to which I'm thinking - shoot, I really hope I did as good a job of acting like he was JUST a friend as I thought I did!!! - so I said "what?" Isaiah says "Does Brian know Jesus?" Oh my gosh I love my son!!! Oh, and the answer is a resounding "yes!" Next question, "did he let me win?" that question was slightly harder to answer...ha, ha! Final question, "When can we go play basketball with Brian again? Can we go back right now?"
I'd say that went well.