http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090914/ap_on_en_tv/us_people_harry_smith
Just read this article... and it's not like I found it on PerezHilton or TMZ it's like a reputable news source...
I'm trying to figure this out. This newsman stayed home from work because, after biking 25 miles and dancing "all night" at a party, he feels achy and feverish and thinks he has Swine Flu. Possibly the funniest thing about it is that the shows medical correspondent is applauding him for staying out of circulation. Wait, because long bike rides and all night dancing are CLEARLY a communicable disease! Um, hate to break it to ya buddy but it sounds to me more like you need a vacation from your weekend!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
A piece of my story...
A few years back I wrote my "life story" out. I was barely 30 so it seemed a bit odd to me at the time but I did it anyway - because frankly I couldn't sleep the whole time I fought the idea so I finally gave in and got to work. I still don't know all of the reasons why I was so compelled to do it but it's sitting in my computer virtually unread so I decided maybe I'd start to share pieces of it here...
When I was five years old I began a journey of my first trial of faith. This would become part of my lifelong journey. I was molested. Not once or even a few times, but hundreds upon hundreds of times over the five years that would follow. To complicate matters my molester was a part of my church and a friend of the family. She was also female. I remember wishing it would stop and as I began to get brave even trying to stop it. I battled within myself for a very long time about whether or not to “tell”. I soon found out that she was also molesting one of my best friends, a neighbor girl who was younger than me. I was tormented by this but still didn’t have the courage to tell.
At one point during this time I was singing on an album for a Southern California police department’s child safety program. One of the songs on the album contained a line that said “don’t you touch me, don’t you take me. I don’t want to you can’t make me. If you don’t stop I’m telling on you.” So one day I got up the courage and I played that song for her. I told her if she did this to me or my friend again I would tell. We never spoke of it again and she never touched me after that day. Several months later I was at the home of my young neighbor friend. The molester was also there. As if to taunt me and test my resolve she molested my friend in my presence. This is the moment I knew. I would not keep her secret any longer. If this happened to me and then to my friend (and I already suspected it had happened to others I knew along the way) then it would happen to someone else too. I couldn’t let that happen.
Here is where I see God’s providence personally for the first time. The following week at my school there was an assembly. The kind that warn you about the creepy man who offers you candy or asked you to help find his dog and then “touches you in private places”. Alright, well that depiction of the molester wasn’t accurate but the touching thing sure was and I knew I had my chance. If I would ever have the resolve to tell this was the time. After that assembly I was on the playground with two of my classmates and I gave them a hypothetical “what would you do if…” scenario. Maybe this was my last ditch effort to get out of telling or maybe I just couldn’t get the words out but they reacted. Unbeknownst to me one of these friends was the daughter of a police officer. Needless to say, the wall around my secret fell fast and hard. I spent the next months and years trying to make sense of all that had happened. Why did this happen to me and why did it happen at all. I spent time in counseling and worked through what I could with the understanding I had at the time. As I said this became a lifelong journey.
The experience of the last five years behind me I went into sixth grade hoping life would be different. I hoped now that I would feel like I was one of the “normal” kids. What is normal? I don’t know but that is what I wanted. Instead I felt like an adult trapped in a child’s body. I had lived more life than the other kids my age or at least that is how I felt.
When I was five years old I began a journey of my first trial of faith. This would become part of my lifelong journey. I was molested. Not once or even a few times, but hundreds upon hundreds of times over the five years that would follow. To complicate matters my molester was a part of my church and a friend of the family. She was also female. I remember wishing it would stop and as I began to get brave even trying to stop it. I battled within myself for a very long time about whether or not to “tell”. I soon found out that she was also molesting one of my best friends, a neighbor girl who was younger than me. I was tormented by this but still didn’t have the courage to tell.
At one point during this time I was singing on an album for a Southern California police department’s child safety program. One of the songs on the album contained a line that said “don’t you touch me, don’t you take me. I don’t want to you can’t make me. If you don’t stop I’m telling on you.” So one day I got up the courage and I played that song for her. I told her if she did this to me or my friend again I would tell. We never spoke of it again and she never touched me after that day. Several months later I was at the home of my young neighbor friend. The molester was also there. As if to taunt me and test my resolve she molested my friend in my presence. This is the moment I knew. I would not keep her secret any longer. If this happened to me and then to my friend (and I already suspected it had happened to others I knew along the way) then it would happen to someone else too. I couldn’t let that happen.
Here is where I see God’s providence personally for the first time. The following week at my school there was an assembly. The kind that warn you about the creepy man who offers you candy or asked you to help find his dog and then “touches you in private places”. Alright, well that depiction of the molester wasn’t accurate but the touching thing sure was and I knew I had my chance. If I would ever have the resolve to tell this was the time. After that assembly I was on the playground with two of my classmates and I gave them a hypothetical “what would you do if…” scenario. Maybe this was my last ditch effort to get out of telling or maybe I just couldn’t get the words out but they reacted. Unbeknownst to me one of these friends was the daughter of a police officer. Needless to say, the wall around my secret fell fast and hard. I spent the next months and years trying to make sense of all that had happened. Why did this happen to me and why did it happen at all. I spent time in counseling and worked through what I could with the understanding I had at the time. As I said this became a lifelong journey.
The experience of the last five years behind me I went into sixth grade hoping life would be different. I hoped now that I would feel like I was one of the “normal” kids. What is normal? I don’t know but that is what I wanted. Instead I felt like an adult trapped in a child’s body. I had lived more life than the other kids my age or at least that is how I felt.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Hoedown...
I have 7 kids, age 11 and under, in my house - probably some chow mien noodles on my living room floor and the Hannah Montana Movie blaring on my TV. So far, no major injuries, and no fights. I think this is about as good as it gets. I would have had 8 kids here but one of them had to work this afternoon. (She's a talented little 10 year old who sings in commercials and stuff.) So their mom let me borrow the rest of them. You might think I'm crazy to be happy to have borrowed 3 extra kids, and that I was sad to have been shorted the 8th, but I have to tell you I really enjoy these kids!
The funny thing about the fact that I have 4 kids is that I don't really like kids... well, correction, I don't really like other people's kids... most of them anyway. So I'm always really excited when I get to hang out with people who's kids are (almost) as cool as mine. To make matters even better, this particular set of kids belong to one of my best friends ever... who has been my friend for about 20 years. Add to that the fact that her 4 are all about the same ages as mine and it's like magic! I've never seen 8 kids in one place have as few blow-ups and melt downs as our 8 do. So today was a fun day!
The funny thing about the fact that I have 4 kids is that I don't really like kids... well, correction, I don't really like other people's kids... most of them anyway. So I'm always really excited when I get to hang out with people who's kids are (almost) as cool as mine. To make matters even better, this particular set of kids belong to one of my best friends ever... who has been my friend for about 20 years. Add to that the fact that her 4 are all about the same ages as mine and it's like magic! I've never seen 8 kids in one place have as few blow-ups and melt downs as our 8 do. So today was a fun day!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
This is what I do...
Since getting the ax at work I spent one day helping at the property. Another day was spent I guess recovering from the night shift (read: doing absolutely nothing). Thursday I took all 4 kids to the eye doctor. That would normally have been a very long project but it wasn't. I totally recommend "Hip Optics" in Riverside - wow! Really, WOW! I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork but got there 30 minutes early. They started seeing the kids instantly. By the time I had the paper work done all the kids pre-screening stuff was done too. Then they filed in one by one to see the eye doctor. We were done in under an hour from the time I arrived. All the kids had been seen, picked out new frames and ordered glasses. That may be the nearest I've seen to a miracle! Friday I packed. Well, to be more specific, Sarah packed while I helped between feeling overwhelmed! We got a TON done. There's still a lot more to do but it feels like a GIANT dent has been made. Then the kids had a visit with their dad. Saturday I had a kid free date with Brian for the afternoon. It was so amazing to finish conversations. That may seem like a strange thing to say but with 4 kids around all the time it is not an easy feat! Last night my friend came from out of town to visit. I got to show her the new house, then the kids and I got to go to dinner with her. It was fun to catch up... at least a little. Today we had a birthday party. We all got our faces painted. Yes all of us... I think they said I was supposed to be a bear. I dunno but it was funny. I had to stop at Target on the way home. I'm cool enough to rock the facepaint in Target. The guy at the checkout told me he thought someone may have played a trick on me while I was sleeping - that I should go look in the mirror. 
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Turn of events...
Sunday night I had a really good night at work. I handled several "in progress" calls and everything went smoothly. Pretty much for the first time since the beginning of this process I thought I might be ready to answer calls on my own. Even still I had come to a calm within myself about my future in this job. I was doing the best I could on every call, every day. I knew that I was supposed to be in the job for as long as I was there. It had become pretty clear that the determination of how long I lasted was not entirely dependent upon my personal progress. In fact I had a conversation with a coworker Sunday night and said "I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, because I'm here. If my time here ends tomorrow, in ten years, or the day I retire I'm ok with that." Ironically enough I came in Monday, sat thru briefing, and was escorted to the office of the Captain. I immediately knew what was coming. I was told that it was a "probationary termination - no cause needed or given." What I then found out is that 3 other trainees had been terminated in the same manner earlier in the day. Best I can guess we were, at least on some level, a byproduct of the budget issues.
I'm SO thankful that I was able to keep it together in front of the Captian with the exception of my trembling hand as I signed my paper work. Then I went and had a moment with my favorite supervisor while we went thru the rest of my final paperwork. I drove back to the property to change and pick up my other uniform to turn in. I told my parents and kids. Then I went back and turned in all my gear.
As I drove home I realized I'm kinda relieved. I mean obviously I need to find a way to support the kids and myself but I also get to pack and move without the stress of working a full time job. Getting canned is no fun but I'm content that if I was supposed to be in that job today I'd be there. So, whatever is next will come when it's supposed to.
I'm contemplating the possibility of going back to school, though I'm not sure what I'd do if I went. In the meantime, I'm officially a stay at home mom again.
I'm SO thankful that I was able to keep it together in front of the Captian with the exception of my trembling hand as I signed my paper work. Then I went and had a moment with my favorite supervisor while we went thru the rest of my final paperwork. I drove back to the property to change and pick up my other uniform to turn in. I told my parents and kids. Then I went back and turned in all my gear.
As I drove home I realized I'm kinda relieved. I mean obviously I need to find a way to support the kids and myself but I also get to pack and move without the stress of working a full time job. Getting canned is no fun but I'm content that if I was supposed to be in that job today I'd be there. So, whatever is next will come when it's supposed to.
I'm contemplating the possibility of going back to school, though I'm not sure what I'd do if I went. In the meantime, I'm officially a stay at home mom again.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
It's been FOREVER...
So I decided to blog. I'm, as always, way too busy and totally overwhelmed with my house and stuff that needs to get done. Here's the rundown on stuff...
The house:
Is almost ready... for reals. We should be moving in less than a month. I'm packing... just one more thing on my never ending to do list. I'm actually enjoying it in some ways. I'm literally throwing away more than I'm packing, which is awesome! I am totally looking forward to simplifying my life and decluttering. I think I'll feel like a million dollars just not having to be surrounded by so much random crap. I threw away some stuff today that gave me a chuckle and some that made me scratch my head... The chuckle - the vasectomy info packet from the Kaiser orientation for the procedure the former never had. Why on earth was that thing still on top of the pantry?!?!?! The head scratching - a brand new set of kitchen knives. The thing that makes no sense is that I had just bought a new set right before the divorce. I know I didn't buy these which leads me to believe that they were probably stolen from a fundraiser for the school district he worked for. Well, they're in the trash now seeing as I wouldn't have the slightest clue who to return them to. If you're looking for a set of knives come check my trash this week.
The Child Support: short and sweet - it isn't at the moment. $260 total in the last 2 months combined, plus a grocery donation, don't come anywhere near the $1,738 owed for that time period. Not even close.
The Man: Brian and I are engaged. I'm totally excited! Our schedules are insane. He works every day that I'm off. We both work graves so that helps a little bit but in terms of setting a date it's clearly not ideal. I don't have any idea when we will actually get married but I'm so excited! He's amazing. The kids love him, and he loves them. I love him and he loves me, but most importantly he loves the creator of the universe and is intentional about seeking relationship with HIM.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I'm back... but I'm not making any promises!
I've been busy beyond words. Work is tough. I just keep doing what I know how to do. Then, hoping that at some point I actually know how to do everything I have to know in order to get released to work on my own. Not much more to say about that since I'm pretty sure I shouldn't post call details on here.
Words of advise though:
If your neighbor is a jerk and parks his car halfway in his driveway with the other half blocking the sidewalk:
* it is NOT an emergency
* PLEASE do not call 911.
If your neighbor is playing that AWFUL Mexican Polka or Mariachi music or whatever it is and you insist they do this EVERY night and you just can't take it anymore:
* I know you're lying.
* You've just had enough of it TODAY and...
* it FEELS like they've been playing it everyday for the past ten years.
* But, again, this is NOT an emergency...no, really it's not.
* Don't dial 911.
Now if, however, you witness a horrible accident - which might actually be an emergency:
* don't get angry with me that it took the other agency, that answers 911 calls from cell phones, 10 minutes to answer your call just to then transfer you to me
* but please, PLEASE get the actual cross streets it happened at.
* Because the thing is, when you tell me it happened by that one gas station on the corner of ... "you know, those streets over there by the Walmart..." I, in fact, do not have a freaking clue in heck where to send the help you seek.
Oh, and also:
If you call in to dispatch just to "ask a question" and my answer does not satisfy you... and you proceed to name drop every officer you've ever spoken to in your VERY long life... I'm going to be wondering why you didn't just call one of those, your 40 closest friends, to ask these ridiculous questions! I'll help you anyway though... and I'll do it so well you'll thank me by the end of our 15 minute conversation, that tied up lines from taking in calls from people who I might actually be able to help. Congratulations!
That pretty much sums up the job front.
Now about the house:
All the rooms are painted. I even did these really cool stripes on the wall in the girls room. They were so cute. I was very careful too. I measured, I taped, I prepped properly, I painted... then I removed the tape. As I stood back to admire my work I realized... aw crap... I put one of the sets of stripes in the wrong place AGHHHHH! So, my mom volunteered to add a few more sets to make it look intentional. Thanks mom, because really I was just gonna be like "hey,if look at it from this angle and you can hardly tell I totally jacked it up!" Now I'll be able to say "see how cool those stripes are - yeah and I totally meant for them to be all randomly spaced and stuff!"
The floors are going in. We've got 3 of the 4 tubs installed. One bathroom sink and toilet installed, and 2 of the 4 remaining sinks are on site basically ready to go in when it's time. Hopefully the rest is coming soon. It's happening, one step at a time.
I stayed down there after work a few times and let me tell you, the commute from work to the new house is WAY better than the commute from work to Rialto! It's nice on the gas tank too, which is good because while the ex is working 14 hour days 5 days a week and presumably making mountains in overtime, he seems to have misplaced his wallet...or maybe it's just all those restitution and court fees are eating him alive.
Last and totally least, I had a root beer float at 1:45 in the morning. It's kinda like dinner time to me since I work all night long. Now I'm tired though, and I have a raging sugar high!
Words of advise though:
If your neighbor is a jerk and parks his car halfway in his driveway with the other half blocking the sidewalk:
* it is NOT an emergency
* PLEASE do not call 911.
If your neighbor is playing that AWFUL Mexican Polka or Mariachi music or whatever it is and you insist they do this EVERY night and you just can't take it anymore:
* I know you're lying.
* You've just had enough of it TODAY and...
* it FEELS like they've been playing it everyday for the past ten years.
* But, again, this is NOT an emergency...no, really it's not.
* Don't dial 911.
Now if, however, you witness a horrible accident - which might actually be an emergency:
* don't get angry with me that it took the other agency, that answers 911 calls from cell phones, 10 minutes to answer your call just to then transfer you to me
* but please, PLEASE get the actual cross streets it happened at.
* Because the thing is, when you tell me it happened by that one gas station on the corner of ... "you know, those streets over there by the Walmart..." I, in fact, do not have a freaking clue in heck where to send the help you seek.
Oh, and also:
If you call in to dispatch just to "ask a question" and my answer does not satisfy you... and you proceed to name drop every officer you've ever spoken to in your VERY long life... I'm going to be wondering why you didn't just call one of those, your 40 closest friends, to ask these ridiculous questions! I'll help you anyway though... and I'll do it so well you'll thank me by the end of our 15 minute conversation, that tied up lines from taking in calls from people who I might actually be able to help. Congratulations!
That pretty much sums up the job front.
Now about the house:
All the rooms are painted. I even did these really cool stripes on the wall in the girls room. They were so cute. I was very careful too. I measured, I taped, I prepped properly, I painted... then I removed the tape. As I stood back to admire my work I realized... aw crap... I put one of the sets of stripes in the wrong place AGHHHHH! So, my mom volunteered to add a few more sets to make it look intentional. Thanks mom, because really I was just gonna be like "hey,if look at it from this angle and you can hardly tell I totally jacked it up!" Now I'll be able to say "see how cool those stripes are - yeah and I totally meant for them to be all randomly spaced and stuff!"
The floors are going in. We've got 3 of the 4 tubs installed. One bathroom sink and toilet installed, and 2 of the 4 remaining sinks are on site basically ready to go in when it's time. Hopefully the rest is coming soon. It's happening, one step at a time.
I stayed down there after work a few times and let me tell you, the commute from work to the new house is WAY better than the commute from work to Rialto! It's nice on the gas tank too, which is good because while the ex is working 14 hour days 5 days a week and presumably making mountains in overtime, he seems to have misplaced his wallet...or maybe it's just all those restitution and court fees are eating him alive.
Last and totally least, I had a root beer float at 1:45 in the morning. It's kinda like dinner time to me since I work all night long. Now I'm tired though, and I have a raging sugar high!
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