Mommaliss

I just read EVERY blog I've ever posted here!

2011-09-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, talk about flashbacks... sometimes I couldn't even remember the events I was reading about. I would think back and go "who/what was I talking about?!" lol. It's strange how much my life has changed since I started blogging, that's for sure!

I love the life I have now. I also know that it is a direct result of the work I did around the time I started this blog. Obviously things aren't all rainbows and unicorns that poop skittles but I am content. I would still like to win the lottery but seeing as I don't buy tickets I think the odds are against me there.

My favorite observation... my feet have flip flop tan lines in every picture I've ever posted of them... and if I posted a foot pic right now, you would see the same tan lines! I guess I'm just a flip flop girl.

Since I don't have a picture of my feet that is worth posting (I don't have a new pedicure and I'm pregnant so painting my OWN is... well, it's just not gonna happen) I thought I'd post some "belly pics." I'm 25 weeks now but I don't have a current pic handy so these will have to do for now...

17 weeks 23 weeks

Once a year?

2011-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah I uh... suck at this blogging thing huh? It's been almost a year since I posted anything and even before that I was pretty hit and miss for a long time!

I've moved like 74.5 times since I last blogged. I live in Egypt now... I would like to move back to somewhere that doesn't resemble the moon in terms of it's proximity to... well, EVERYTHING. Maybe next year.

I am 18 weeks pregnant. WOOT. Oh, and I'm also unemployed... not so woot. I didn't plan it that way but life just happens.

The kids are doing great. Their dad is still useless. Brian is still amazing and I am so blessed to have him.

So basically life keeps moving and not a whole lot has changed. Except for where I live and the baby on the way :-)

Maybe I'll do this again in less than a year... maybe.

How did I not know about this?!

2010-07-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

So I guess you can go to the movies for free every week at Regal Cinema's, at least during the summer. They show older movies but we never see movies so the kids haven't seen any of the movies anyway.

Last week we saw uh, yeah well I don't remember the name of it... but it was that Ice Age movie with the dinosaurs. It was cute. Tomorrow we are going to see Imagine That, the movie with Eddie Murphy. I'm kinda looking forward to this one actually because I remember thinking it looked cute when I saw the previews forever ago.

So that's what's coming up tomorrow, but today I'm headed to the doctor. I think the devil has taken up residency in my ear. I swear it has never hurt so bad. It's practically swollen shut and it hurts like heck. Fun times!

I win!

2010-04-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

So I just had to come back and say it's official. According to Isaiah, Marquez was wrong... Napoleon Dynamite is the stupidest movie of all time! YES.. apparently gestating the kid gave me a leg up on the competition... LOL!

Random stuff...

2010-04-27T11:38:00.001-07:00

Sophia cried today because Ella accidentally killed a ladybug and ladybugs remind Sophia of Karissa.

Ella is 9 today... where did the time go?

We are going to be house hunting again soon... yep, after finishing the house, and moving in, we aren't going to end up staying. Know anyone who wants to buy a great house?

I love my tub, I'm going to miss it... maybe we'll get lucky and find a rental house with an over sized jetted tub in the master suite... Yep, lets go ahead and plan on that! :)

And finally, the funniest conversation of the day...The backstory: My ex lost his job and got himself into some hot water for stealing from his former employer. Hot water like 90 days weekends, 5 years probation, and a felony conviction. So, today I was talking to my him and he asked me to hold on while he did something at work. Upon returning to our conversation he says "We've been having lots of things disappear at work lately it's weird... and it's NOT me!" I laughed and told him that was going to have to be the quote of the day. He said "ok, just don't use my name." Done.

In competition for funniest quote of the day... Isaiah asked if he could watch Napoleon Dynamite which, in my opinion, is the STUPIDEST movie ever made. So I tell him sure but that it's the stupidest movie ever made. He says "yeah well Marquez said it's funny." I say "well then we'll see who's right huh?" His response "I trust Marquez, I've known him longer." (Uh, really kid? Who birthed you dude?!) then he says "just kidding!" Yeah, I certainly hope so!

Wow.. really?!

2009-12-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

It's been more than 3 months since I've posted anything! Well, I guess in my defense I've been a bit busy with life!

I'm moved into the new house... long time coming!!! It's amazing. In fact more amazing than I could have imagined! Along with the move came some interesting transitions as well. The girls are all three officially sharing a room. Sophia now has a big girl bed, which she proudly sleeps in (almost) every night! Then kids have a play room (which doubles as a guest room) that is saving my sanity!

I got to play "Miss Holiday" with the kids in their Christmas musical... I was awful... they were great... it was fun! Isaiah and Ella both had major speaking parts and Abi was a dancer.

In other news, Brian and I got married! Super quick and totally under the radar. In fact we basically didn't tell anyone until after the fact. It was perfect. No chaos, no elaborate planning - well to be honest, very little planning at all. We went away for the night that night and were back the next day... off and running. We are going to get away this weekend for a Vegas trip which should be a ton of fun!

I am still job hunting so if one of my 2 readers knows of an opening in something clerical hook me up. (As if you wouldn't already have done that for me by now anyway!)

Seeing as it's taken me this long to get around to posting I think it would be safe to say Merry Christmas now since chances are good I won't find time to post again until after the holidays!

Are they SERIOUS???

2009-09-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090914/ap_on_en_tv/us_people_harry_smith
Just read this article... and it's not like I found it on PerezHilton or TMZ it's like a reputable news source...

I'm trying to figure this out. This newsman stayed home from work because, after biking 25 miles and dancing "all night" at a party, he feels achy and feverish and thinks he has Swine Flu. Possibly the funniest thing about it is that the shows medical correspondent is applauding him for staying out of circulation. Wait, because long bike rides and all night dancing are CLEARLY a communicable disease! Um, hate to break it to ya buddy but it sounds to me more like you need a vacation from your weekend!

A piece of my story...

2009-09-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

A few years back I wrote my "life story" out. I was barely 30 so it seemed a bit odd to me at the time but I did it anyway - because frankly I couldn't sleep the whole time I fought the idea so I finally gave in and got to work. I still don't know all of the reasons why I was so compelled to do it but it's sitting in my computer virtually unread so I decided maybe I'd start to share pieces of it here...

When I was five years old I began a journey of my first trial of faith. This would become part of my lifelong journey. I was molested. Not once or even a few times, but hundreds upon hundreds of times over the five years that would follow. To complicate matters my molester was a part of my church and a friend of the family. She was also female. I remember wishing it would stop and as I began to get brave even trying to stop it. I battled within myself for a very long time about whether or not to “tell”. I soon found out that she was also molesting one of my best friends, a neighbor girl who was younger than me. I was tormented by this but still didn’t have the courage to tell.

At one point during this time I was singing on an album for a Southern California police department’s child safety program. One of the songs on the album contained a line that said “don’t you touch me, don’t you take me. I don’t want to you can’t make me. If you don’t stop I’m telling on you.” So one day I got up the courage and I played that song for her. I told her if she did this to me or my friend again I would tell. We never spoke of it again and she never touched me after that day. Several months later I was at the home of my young neighbor friend. The molester was also there. As if to taunt me and test my resolve she molested my friend in my presence. This is the moment I knew. I would not keep her secret any longer. If this happened to me and then to my friend (and I already suspected it had happened to others I knew along the way) then it would happen to someone else too. I couldn’t let that happen.

Here is where I see God’s providence personally for the first time. The following week at my school there was an assembly. The kind that warn you about the creepy man who offers you candy or asked you to help find his dog and then “touches you in private places”. Alright, well that depiction of the molester wasn’t accurate but the touching thing sure was and I knew I had my chance. If I would ever have the resolve to tell this was the time. After that assembly I was on the playground with two of my classmates and I gave them a hypothetical “what would you do if…” scenario. Maybe this was my last ditch effort to get out of telling or maybe I just couldn’t get the words out but they reacted. Unbeknownst to me one of these friends was the daughter of a police officer. Needless to say, the wall around my secret fell fast and hard. I spent the next months and years trying to make sense of all that had happened. Why did this happen to me and why did it happen at all. I spent time in counseling and worked through what I could with the understanding I had at the time. As I said this became a lifelong journey.

The experience of the last five years behind me I went into sixth grade hoping life would be different. I hoped now that I would feel like I was one of the “normal” kids. What is normal? I don’t know but that is what I wanted. Instead I felt like an adult trapped in a child’s body. I had lived more life than the other kids my age or at least that is how I felt.

Hoedown...

2009-08-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have 7 kids, age 11 and under, in my house - probably some chow mien noodles on my living room floor and the Hannah Montana Movie blaring on my TV. So far, no major injuries, and no fights. I think this is about as good as it gets. I would have had 8 kids here but one of them had to work this afternoon. (She's a talented little 10 year old who sings in commercials and stuff.) So their mom let me borrow the rest of them. You might think I'm crazy to be happy to have borrowed 3 extra kids, and that I was sad to have been shorted the 8th, but I have to tell you I really enjoy these kids!
The funny thing about the fact that I have 4 kids is that I don't really like kids... well, correction, I don't really like other people's kids... most of them anyway. So I'm always really excited when I get to hang out with people who's kids are (almost) as cool as mine. To make matters even better, this particular set of kids belong to one of my best friends ever... who has been my friend for about 20 years. Add to that the fact that her 4 are all about the same ages as mine and it's like magic! I've never seen 8 kids in one place have as few blow-ups and melt downs as our 8 do. So today was a fun day!

This is what I do...

2009-08-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

Since getting the ax at work I spent one day helping at the property. Another day was spent I guess recovering from the night shift (read: doing absolutely nothing). Thursday I took all 4 kids to the eye doctor. That would normally have been a very long project but it wasn't. I totally recommend "Hip Optics" in Riverside - wow! Really, WOW! I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork but got there 30 minutes early. They started seeing the kids instantly. By the time I had the paper work done all the kids pre-screening stuff was done too. Then they filed in one by one to see the eye doctor. We were done in under an hour from the time I arrived. All the kids had been seen, picked out new frames and ordered glasses. That may be the nearest I've seen to a miracle! Friday I packed. Well, to be more specific, Sarah packed while I helped between feeling overwhelmed! We got a TON done. There's still a lot more to do but it feels like a GIANT dent has been made. Then the kids had a visit with their dad. Saturday I had a kid free date with Brian for the afternoon. It was so amazing to finish conversations. That may seem like a strange thing to say but with 4 kids around all the time it is not an easy feat! Last night my friend came from out of town to visit. I got to show her the new house, then the kids and I got to go to dinner with her. It was fun to catch up... at least a little. Today we had a birthday party. We all got our faces painted. Yes all of us... I think they said I was supposed to be a bear. I dunno but it was funny. I had to stop at Target on the way home. I'm cool enough to rock the facepaint in Target. The guy at the checkout told me he thought someone may have played a trick on me while I was sleeping - that I should go look in the mirror.

Turn of events...

2009-08-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Sunday night I had a really good night at work. I handled several "in progress" calls and everything went smoothly. Pretty much for the first time since the beginning of this process I thought I might be ready to answer calls on my own. Even still I had come to a calm within myself about my future in this job. I was doing the best I could on every call, every day. I knew that I was supposed to be in the job for as long as I was there. It had become pretty clear that the determination of how long I lasted was not entirely dependent upon my personal progress. In fact I had a conversation with a coworker Sunday night and said "I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, because I'm here. If my time here ends tomorrow, in ten years, or the day I retire I'm ok with that." Ironically enough I came in Monday, sat thru briefing, and was escorted to the office of the Captain. I immediately knew what was coming. I was told that it was a "probationary termination - no cause needed or given." What I then found out is that 3 other trainees had been terminated in the same manner earlier in the day. Best I can guess we were, at least on some level, a byproduct of the budget issues.
I'm SO thankful that I was able to keep it together in front of the Captian with the exception of my trembling hand as I signed my paper work. Then I went and had a moment with my favorite supervisor while we went thru the rest of my final paperwork. I drove back to the property to change and pick up my other uniform to turn in. I told my parents and kids. Then I went back and turned in all my gear.
As I drove home I realized I'm kinda relieved. I mean obviously I need to find a way to support the kids and myself but I also get to pack and move without the stress of working a full time job. Getting canned is no fun but I'm content that if I was supposed to be in that job today I'd be there. So, whatever is next will come when it's supposed to.
I'm contemplating the possibility of going back to school, though I'm not sure what I'd do if I went. In the meantime, I'm officially a stay at home mom again.

It's been FOREVER...

2009-08-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

So I decided to blog. I'm, as always, way too busy and totally overwhelmed with my house and stuff that needs to get done. Here's the rundown on stuff...

The house:

Is almost ready... for reals. We should be moving in less than a month. I'm packing... just one more thing on my never ending to do list. I'm actually enjoying it in some ways. I'm literally throwing away more than I'm packing, which is awesome! I am totally looking forward to simplifying my life and decluttering. I think I'll feel like a million dollars just not having to be surrounded by so much random crap. I threw away some stuff today that gave me a chuckle and some that made me scratch my head... The chuckle - the vasectomy info packet from the Kaiser orientation for the procedure the former never had. Why on earth was that thing still on top of the pantry?!?!?! The head scratching - a brand new set of kitchen knives. The thing that makes no sense is that I had just bought a new set right before the divorce. I know I didn't buy these which leads me to believe that they were probably stolen from a fundraiser for the school district he worked for. Well, they're in the trash now seeing as I wouldn't have the slightest clue who to return them to. If you're looking for a set of knives come check my trash this week.

The Child Support: short and sweet - it isn't at the moment. $260 total in the last 2 months combined, plus a grocery donation, don't come anywhere near the $1,738 owed for that time period. Not even close.

The Man: Brian and I are engaged. I'm totally excited! Our schedules are insane. He works every day that I'm off. We both work graves so that helps a little bit but in terms of setting a date it's clearly not ideal. I don't have any idea when we will actually get married but I'm so excited! He's amazing. The kids love him, and he loves them. I love him and he loves me, but most importantly he loves the creator of the universe and is intentional about seeking relationship with HIM.

I'm back... but I'm not making any promises!

2009-06-20T01:51:00.000-07:00

I've been busy beyond words. Work is tough. I just keep doing what I know how to do. Then, hoping that at some point I actually know how to do everything I have to know in order to get released to work on my own. Not much more to say about that since I'm pretty sure I shouldn't post call details on here.

Words of advise though:
If your neighbor is a jerk and parks his car halfway in his driveway with the other half blocking the sidewalk:
* it is NOT an emergency
* PLEASE do not call 911.

If your neighbor is playing that AWFUL Mexican Polka or Mariachi music or whatever it is and you insist they do this EVERY night and you just can't take it anymore:
* I know you're lying.
* You've just had enough of it TODAY and...
* it FEELS like they've been playing it everyday for the past ten years.
* But, again, this is NOT an emergency...no, really it's not.
* Don't dial 911.

Now if, however, you witness a horrible accident - which might actually be an emergency:
* don't get angry with me that it took the other agency, that answers 911 calls from cell phones, 10 minutes to answer your call just to then transfer you to me
* but please, PLEASE get the actual cross streets it happened at.
* Because the thing is, when you tell me it happened by that one gas station on the corner of ... "you know, those streets over there by the Walmart..." I, in fact, do not have a freaking clue in heck where to send the help you seek.

Oh, and also:

If you call in to dispatch just to "ask a question" and my answer does not satisfy you... and you proceed to name drop every officer you've ever spoken to in your VERY long life... I'm going to be wondering why you didn't just call one of those, your 40 closest friends, to ask these ridiculous questions! I'll help you anyway though... and I'll do it so well you'll thank me by the end of our 15 minute conversation, that tied up lines from taking in calls from people who I might actually be able to help. Congratulations!

That pretty much sums up the job front.

Now about the house:

All the rooms are painted. I even did these really cool stripes on the wall in the girls room. They were so cute. I was very careful too. I measured, I taped, I prepped properly, I painted... then I removed the tape. As I stood back to admire my work I realized... aw crap... I put one of the sets of stripes in the wrong place AGHHHHH! So, my mom volunteered to add a few more sets to make it look intentional. Thanks mom, because really I was just gonna be like "hey,if look at it from this angle and you can hardly tell I totally jacked it up!" Now I'll be able to say "see how cool those stripes are - yeah and I totally meant for them to be all randomly spaced and stuff!"

The floors are going in. We've got 3 of the 4 tubs installed. One bathroom sink and toilet installed, and 2 of the 4 remaining sinks are on site basically ready to go in when it's time. Hopefully the rest is coming soon. It's happening, one step at a time.

I stayed down there after work a few times and let me tell you, the commute from work to the new house is WAY better than the commute from work to Rialto! It's nice on the gas tank too, which is good because while the ex is working 14 hour days 5 days a week and presumably making mountains in overtime, he seems to have misplaced his wallet...or maybe it's just all those restitution and court fees are eating him alive.

Last and totally least, I had a root beer float at 1:45 in the morning. It's kinda like dinner time to me since I work all night long. Now I'm tired though, and I have a raging sugar high!

The job... the house... life... and stuff

2009-06-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

The job... is going well. I'm completely and totally stressed out and don't expect that to change for about a year, but I'm learning and making progress which is good. I took a pretty major (for me anyway) call yesterday and handled it really well... I didn't get anyone killed so that's good right?! I wish I could blink and be done with training, but I can't seem to find the fast forward button. Oh, and I start graveyard shift on Sunday. Fun times!

The house... is coming along. I'm gonna move in there, really I am! And I'm fairly convinced it's gonna happen sometime this summer. I've been doing some painting this week... with a little help from a friend. (Thanks Sarah!) The hall bathroom (which is really two bathrooms) is painted. My room has a coat on. I still need a second coat on the whole room. Unfortunately the ceiling is not the same color as the walls and they both need another coat. My mom has been painting and cutting tile while my dad has been laying floors... it's totally coming along!

Since my training for my job is so stressful, and add to that now I've been trying to help out at the new house, my current home is beyond awful. I am going to get at some laundry tonight and try to get my kitchen presentable. On top of all the cleaning that needs to be done I have a serious need to purge... and pack. I don't know how I'll ever get on top of it!

The kids are crazy... it's past bed time... I gotta go get them to sleep!

Sunday fun...

2009-05-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

I had planned to go to church on Sunday morning but by the time I got to Brian's house we were going to be late anyway. He was also in the middle of a project when we got there so we ended up opting for plan B. We set out for an adventure and found a church to visit Sunday night instead.

We started driving and talking about places he had wanted to show me and places I had read about that I wanted to see... things in our own backyard that we just never take the time to explore.

I had heard that the first ever McDonald's was in San Bernardino. I knew the building was still there... what I didn't know was... well... They don't serve food anymore, they only serve memories. So we found ourselves at the McDonald's "Museum."

They had just about every happy meal toy ever delivered in a happy meal... and a giant selection of happy meal boxes too. There were millions of things to look at. It was pretty interesting, and it was free. Now I will say that it was a disaster by any standard for a museum which is why I put the word in quotes above... but for a free walk down memory lane it was pretty cool. My favorite thing was the playland toys that have gone by the wayside in favor of giant indoor hamster tubing playthings! They had one of the old carousels with the McDonald characters on it. I remember thinking that it was kind of like the ones in front of the grocery store except you actually had to push it like a playground merry-go-round. The kids weren't allowed to play on that one but they did get to play in the giant hamburger!

They also dutifully posed in front of the freaky tree with a face...

Then, as luck would have it, there was a military museum right next door. It was also free. The kids thought I was amazing for planning such a fun trip. The men in the museum were very knowledgeable and there was a TON to see. This museum was very well organized and they even gave the kids coloring pages while we talked and looked at things there. It was kind of funny because the one older gentleman was obviously annoyed at the kids, even though the other men were so sweet to them. He also pulled out a book of news clippings to show me about "the women's work" in the military... he had probably 15 books put together... 1/8 of one was about "the women." Not one to be left out he also pulled out his section about "the negroes" for Brian. He really was very sweet in spite of the fact that he was obviously stuck in 1958.

There was an army jeep inside the museum. The kind gentleman told me I could put the kids in it and take a picture. So I loaded them up...

I kinda wish I'd inspected it first... not for dangerous war remnants but for inappropriate signage!!! See, there was this sticker, right by the steering wheel that said something to the effect of "Don't lean on this vehicle unless you are nude."

Guess they broke the rules in this picture... sorry buddy, my kids aren't pin ups!

Nothin' much...

2009-05-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

Just kinda wishin' I had a sitter so I could go out on a grown up date. Argh... I'm really looking forward to living closer to all the church kids who baby sit!!! I need a day off once in a while... or at least a few hours!

Since the kids don't spend time at their dad's anymore I don't have a built in break. That has been good for them and by extension for me in many ways... they are adjusting well. Now that I'm settling into a routine though I'm starting to miss the little break too.

Anyway... off to a BBQ with Brian... fun day today :)

So uh...

2009-05-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

I answer calls now... it's sometimes scary and I'm a little overwhelmed by all the details I have to remember but I think I'm gonna be ok. I've had probably 5 dispatchers (who have all been trainers at one point) tell me, in some way or another, that I'm going to do well. My trainer actually told me that I'm the kind of trainee every trainer wishes they had... hope I can live up to that. The thing is though I really feel like none of these people had to say any of these things if they didn't really believe it, so it does make me feel good.

As for interesting calls... there have been a few, but most are pretty mundane, and many are downright stupid. I honestly cannot believe what people will call 911 for!

I finally feel relaxed enough that I am going to tackle my chaotic mess of a house tomorrow!

Oh, and Brian got hired with AMR! He's off to orientation for the next three days in Santa Clarita... fun stuff!

Filling in the details...

2009-04-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

I took a test last Wednesday, got a 100%. We then headed out on a tour that covered the west end of the county. After work I headed to LAX and boarded a plane to DC. I slept the entire flight. Lauren picked me up at the airport at around 6:30 am (east coast time) and dropped me off at her apartment before heading to work. I slept until about noon. She got home around 12:15. Then we got ready and went out to take care of some last minute wedding errands.

Thursday night we had dinner with her mom and some friends... then it was time to "party." We had a limo SUV and we went "bar hopping." I must say that it was an experience. We would literally walk into a bar, someone would order a round of shots or shooters for everyone and they would expect us each to down it. After a few drinks we would head to the next bar. Now, it bears noting that I'm not much of a drinker. I never finished even a single drink that was passed my way. At some point I decided I was done even tasting them so I let everyone know to take me off their list. Lauren's friend Erin (who is also from California) is not much of a drinker either so we pretty much watched everyone get drunker and drunker. On our way to bar number 3 I think it became pretty clear that one girl was down for the count. She must have only been about 90 lbs., and she had WAY too much to drink. There was vomiting, and passing out. Shortly after realizing we were down one party-er I look over at Lauren and she had her face in a bag. This is the craziest thing... all the other girls were encouraging her to "keep going" because they wanted her to "have fun." Uh... where I come from drinking to the point of vomiting does not equal fun!!! Anyway Lauren said she wanted to go home but was faced by all kinds of opposition from the party crowd, so Erin and I stepped in and said "we're taking her home."

After a long night of watching other people get plastered I sat up and studied. We got up early on Friday to go see the family. We had a luncheon around noon, then went back to get ready for the rehearsal and the dinner. All of that was fun... there was a lot less drinking that night - which was good because a hung over bridal party might not have been such a great idea! After all of the pre wedding festivities we went to the hotel and I studied.

The day of the wedding everything went very smoothly. I was SO sad to have to leave before the reception but I was glad I got to be there for the rest of the festivities. I got on a plane at 6:00 p.m. and studied nearly the entire trip home. The stranger sitting next to me took my flashcards and quizzed me several times. I appreciated the help so much!

I got back to work on Sunday morning and got another 100% on the last regular test of the academy.

Tuesday we took our final... there's a story to tell about that too but I'm out of time so I'll blog about it later.

I did it!

2009-04-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

I'm completely exhausted and I'll need to blog more thoroughly later but the bottom line is I passed the first training phase. There is still nearly a year ahead of me before I'm completely out of the woods but tonight I am not touching a single flash card! I'm going to sleep.

County Tour - East End

2009-04-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

I saw the Salton Sea today, from a distance. I went from Rialto to Riverside to go to work. Then from Riverside through Palm Desert and then on to Salton Sea. I get carsick. I need to see the road. Apparently after about 8 hours of driving, with no head rest to lean back on, even seeing the road does not keep me from getting sick. We pulled off for one last potty break in Cabazon on the way back to Riverside and I almost puked. I walked in to the bathroom (yes a public restroom - scary enough as it is) and it smelled like, well, restroom. I lurched. I turned around. I ran out of the bathroom. I held it the rest of the way to Riverside. I'd rather die than vomit. I've said it a million times. I found out today I'd also rather risk peeing myself in a van full of coworkers than puke.

Tomorrow = a test. Then, County tour - West end. I'm totally hoping I can hold it together better for that one.

After work tomorrow, I'm off to DC!

Just thought I'd mention...

2009-04-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm freaking TERRIFIED! We took some mock calls today. I totally choked! To be fair I should say that I was expecting a non emergency call for something that had already past when my instructor decided to make an example out of me and give me an emergency.

So, my reporting party (aka the instructor) is screaming that someone is shooting. I tried to ask good questions, really I did!

I asked who was shooting, she didn't know - but offered to go look. (I told her not to!)

I asked where it was occurring, she said "here." Well thanks. I guess I should anticipate my caller isn't going to answer intelligently unless I am totally specific though.

I asked for her name, she fought me on that.

I asked for her phone number, another fight!!!

Oh, and I flubbed the call type too. YIKES! I didn't ask who was being shot at or if they were shooting at her or her house... all pretty vital information in hindsight!

I did manage to get a good address and phone number. It wasn't a total loss. No one else in the class had a perfect, or even near perfect, call. So I know in the future I'll try to ask better questions... the future being NEXT WEEK, when we start answering LIVE CALLS... and take our final! HOLY CRAP I'M TERRIFIED!

I'm uhhhhh.... EXHAUSTED!

2009-04-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today was our first ten hour day. That's not such a big deal but what IS a big deal is that the day started at 0700 hours, in Riverside. In case you didn't already know, I don't live in Riverside. It takes me about 40 minutes to get to work in the morning. (If I'm being honest it takes me about 30 but I probably break some laws on the way there... ugh, I'm thinking codes and call types right now...) I was up studying last night until about 2330 hours. Anyway, so I had to wake up during an hour called 0500. Have you ever heard of it? I guess some people call that morning. I believe they are completely delusional, or at best ill informed. That, my friends, is the middle of the freaking night! It is now 2144 hours. My body insists it's bed time. I'm beat.

Today's test...

2009-04-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Terrified me! I was sure I'd fail... I got a 93%. Maybe at some point I'll actually have some faith in myself. My classmates/coworkers tell me I'm ridiculous because I'm always sure I'll fail and then I end up not only passing but passing with a respectable score. All I know is I'm glad I passed.

There is a short test Wednesday, then the big test next Sunday... then finals! Whoo Hoo!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

Abby, Isaiah, Ella, and bottom center is Sophia!

Death of the Toothfairy...

2009-04-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

The truth is I've always been a TERRIBLE toothfairy. The problem just seems to be getting worse. I think by the time Sophia starts tucking teeth under her pillow it will be a miracle if the toothfairy EVER remembers.

Isaiah lost a tooth two days ago. He dutifully tucked it under his pillow, twice. I unceremoniously forgot to do my toothfairily duties... twice. So this morning he was all sorts of disappointed. Yesterday was bad, but today was worse!

In my defense, all I had in my wallet was a ten dollar bill. Now, the toothfairy cannot go around dropping $10's. I have four kids. They will all be freaking out if the toothfairy gives Isaiah $10 and they get $2! I had every intention of going out to break that ten while Brian stayed behind to hold down the fort... but the first night I just plain forgot. I know that's no defense. So last night it took the kids a while to fall asleep and Brian and I were in the middle of a rare kid free conversation when Sophia woke up, freaking out. Then there was the midnight sun blazing down from the chopper whirring overhead... declaring the end of a neighborhood party. There were teenagers scattering like ants. It was quite an event. Sophia didn't fall asleep until like 1 a.m.! By that time I had completely forgotten that I had a job to do...

So this morning I told Isaiah I screwed up. I told him I'm supposed to help the toothfairy but I suck at it. He laughed and acted like he was surprised I'm the toothfairy... but really he wasn't. Then I recruited him. I told him maybe if he helps me I'll be a better toothfairy for his sisters. He was really excited about that. Then I dutifully listened to him explain Pokemon... for eternity. The boy was happy. He lost the toothfairy (sort of) but he got to give me game on Pokemon, which I'm pretty sure to him was WAY better than believing in a toothfairy who rarely shows up on time!

Hey mom, I think I can explain Pokemon to you now... maybe.

Fun Stuff - and CRAZY BUSY!

2009-04-09T11:42:00.001-07:00

I booked a flight to DC the other night. My best friend is getting married in Virginia and I didn't think I was going to be able to go. Between the financial issues and the fact that I didn't know what my class schedule would be, it just didn't seem feasible. Then I got my first paycheck and the financial thing wasn't going to be an issue. I started thinking over what I needed to do to succeed in class and I decided that I could study on a plane and get some work in between things while in Virginia so... I'm going after all! I'm not eating for the next week though... I tried on my dress last night and it fits but uh... yeah so anyway, do you have any tips on how to lose ten pounds in a week and a half?!

It's my "weekend" now. I have a ton of studying to do from now through Saturday. I have a test on Sunday. Yes I'm working on Easter - it comes with the territory! Then we have a tour of half the county on Tuesday, a test on Wednesday and then we'll tour the rest of the county. I leave Wednesday night from LAX on the red eye. I'll land (in theory) around 6:30 a.m. East Coast time. We'll do pre-wedding girly stuff for a few days. The wedding is at 1:30 on Saturday. I have to be at the airport by 4 for my return flight. My flight should arrive back at LAX by a little before 9 p.m. on Saturday night. Then I have a test on the geography of the County on Sunday the 19th. We are supposed to be answering live calls from the training center on Monday, Tuesday we take finals (written and practical) and Wednesday (two weeks from yesterday) is the last day of PSAP class.

It's not over yet... I have to pass PSAP hands on training within 6 weeks. If the schedule stays the same I'll work PSAP until July, then go back for a month long Radio academy. After passing the Radio academy, I have to pass the hands on Radio training and hands on Back Up training. I think after that there is one more classroom training session and I'll be through training. I'll breathe again in 2010.

I'm shocked... and for once it's in a good way!

2009-04-04T15:47:00.001-07:00

I actually received child support. To make matters even better it wasn't just for the current month. There was enough to pay what wasn't paid last month too... now if I could just find a way to collect on the 7 or 8 other months worth of back support owed I'd be overjoyed!

Test #5...

2009-04-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

95%... I am thinking it's possible that I might make it through without having to use either of my 2 retakes!!! Here's hoping! I have more studying to do this weekend as test #6 is Monday. The 7th test is on Easter Sunday. There are two more tests in the week after that and then the written and practical finals. Yikes! I find myself amazed at the quantity of information I have absorbed! I wish more of it was on instant recall, but it's all in there and that's a good thing!

Now I'm off to shower, get ready and head out to drop the kids off for their visit with their dad. I'm glad he has the money to pay for his visits really, I am. It does frustrate me that he couldn't seem to find a way to pay the court ordered child support... not even a part of it!

Test #4...

2009-03-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

and I got... a 97%!!!! So I realized that every time I take a test I come away feeling like "Ok, if that's what I've got to deal with, I can TOTALLY handle this!" Then we get inundated with a crap load of new material and I think "how the heck am I EVER going to know all of this?!?!?!" Today I realized we are almost half way there. In terms of regular tests I think we only have 3 left. Then there are two finals. A practical and a written test. The next two tests I don't think will be as hard as the previous ones because the first is on our computer system which seems like it's going to come pretty quickly to begin with. Plus we are using it all week so I'll have TONS of in class study time! The next test is on the phone system and our instructor pretty much told us today that if we don't pass it we have WAY bigger problems because it should be that easy... here's hoping! So my next big stress points will be the geography test - we have to know all the communities and have a pretty decent knowledge of the entire county. Did I mention it's like the fourth biggest county in the country?!

Well, off I go to study... again!

Study, study, and then, study some more!!!

2009-03-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

The kids had their first supervised visit with their dad yesterday. It went well. I spent the time studying at Starbucks.

Friday's test was a giant shock to the entire class. We had been told that they wouldn't surprise us on a test. They said it wasn't their goal to trick us. We were told over and over again NOT to get ahead of ourselves. To stay focused on what they said we needed to do. That being the case, we all studied our call types but few, if any, studied abbreviations since we were told the abbreviations test was coming up Monday. Well imagine our surprise when 20 of the 60 test questions focused on abbreviations. I think I gasped out loud when I saw them. When everyone had finished the test, only three of the 12 had passed. Thankfully I was one of them, but only barely - I got an 82%. There was a revolt in the works though before the test was graded! Probably 8 of the girls from the class were in the bathroom fuming and planning an attack on the fairness of the test. As soon as we got our tests back we basically all started complaining in rapid fire succession. The instructors defense initially was, "well, we told you that if we covered it in class it could appear on a test." but we had been given the distinct impression that we could be tested on something that had appeared on a prior test, but NOT on something that we hadn't been tested on yet. She almost immediately said she would talk to the person in charge and see what could be done. There were two new instructors in class who had never taught before and I think they were shell shocked to say the least. I'm pretty sure they didn't realize that this is what they were getting themselves into! In the end they decided to eliminate those 20 questions from the total score, which brought my grade to an 88%. Still not great, but good enough.

Anyway we have a test scheduled for Monday. It says it is on the abbreviations BUT... on Friday afternoon the instructors covered a TON of new information. Based on the whole "if we covered it in class it's fair game on a test" comments I'm pretty much not letting any of it slide. I think I have 400 flash cards worth of information I need to know by tomorrow morning! Fortunately I know about 325 of them now but most of the ones I don't know are way more involved!!!

I'm off to study - forget about getting the house clean this weekend I guess... ugh!

Progress on the Dispatch Front

2009-03-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

I ace'd my first test. It was on the 10 and 11 codes as well as the phonetic alphabet and military time. Yeah me! Don't ask me about a 10 or 11 code today though as I am up to my eyeballs in call types. The second test of the academy is tomorrow. I think I know this stuff but there is so much! I'm constantly second guessing if I really know it forwards and backwards - and inside out, upside down... you know! Anyway, it's going well. We practiced sending calls today. Just easy alarm calls but still I'm learning the CAD system. It's so much fun!!! We've listened to a few calls. Some of them were just downright funny, others were pretty disturbing. Literally everything from a first grader tattling on their dad for punishing them because they didn't know their times tables (do people really ground kids for that stuff?!?!) to a suicide.

I'm tired. I have to get the kids to bed. I haven't eaten dinner yet. Oh, and I still have to study!

Oh what a day!!!

2009-03-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day. It was insanely boring, but in the end it was good! I went to court for the custody hearing. It was such a waste of time. I was there from 8:30 till 3:00! I was a half hour late - oops!!! I got the times mixed up - I was supposed to be there at 8 - luckily the judge didn't find out! The judge ordered exactly what the mediator recommended. I retain sole physical and legal custody. Drew gets 2 hours supervised (which he has to pay for) every Saturday. Seems to me it would have been better to just cancel the whole thing. He went in asking to increase the order to a 50/50 split plus joint legal and physical. He came out with less than he had to begin with. I'm still the bad guy in the whole thing too. Never mind that the judge and mediator agreed with me. He had every opportunity to present his position and obviously it wasn't convincing. In addition he was ordered to parenting and anger management classes. The only thing that could be considered a loss for me was the change in child support. The order went from 1700 a month to 769 a month. You know how much that matters? Well I'll tell you... NOT AT ALL! Seeing as I haven't seen a penny of support since January, in spite of the fact that he is apparently working, and I haven't received the full support amount owed in over a year - that's not going to change my life any.

The biggest loss of my day was missing almost a full day of academy training! UGH!

Oh, and on the criminal charges front, there are a few dates coming up but it is by no means over. Anyway, these are the crazy days of my life!

Because I didn't find Christina Saturday night...

2009-03-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so they're not the best photos, actually they kinda suck. My bathroom's not clean (we'll go ahead and let you think it might sometimes be :) ) but, since I didn't find Christina on Saturday night, I decided to post pictures.

This last picture is actually the only one I really liked, but I put the rest up so you could see the other angles too.

And there you go. I got a lot of looks and only one or two comments at church Saturday night. I will say that doing my hair like this, while it might seem like it would be time consuming, is actually really easy and quick.

End of an era... and out of another era.

2009-03-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

My life as a receptionist for a law firm has officially ended. It was an interesting ride. One coworker got her proverbial panties in a bunch and told me yesterday that I am not her friend. In the event you think I am joking, I am not. I checked my calendar, and no, I am not in the third grade. I continued to play nice with my "un"friend anyway.

Two of my coworkers gave me a lovely card and a $50.00 gift card to Target! My cousin made good on the Donut Man. As a result of Mr. Donut, I now feel completely sugared out! I went to lunch with a couple of attorney's and our I.T. guy and had a blast!

During my exit interview I found out that I had actually been accruing vacation since my start date. So, even though I was not entitled to use my vacation until I had been there a year, I was entitled to be paid for it upon my separation. YEAH! Then my boss said "goodbye." I went about saying goodbye to a couple of coworkers and we walked out together.

As I was about to drive out of the parking lot, I got a seething text message from my "un"friend about how horrible a person I am because I didn't come back to my desk after my exit interview. That it was terrible of me to leave her to cover "my" desk. She said it was a nice way to say goodbye - I think that was sarcasm. I almost wrote her back to say that I thought she wasn't my friend... but I didn't, because I remembered I'm not a third grader.

One last thing - I totally forgot to add this part and considering the title it's kinda important... I did my hair today. It turned out super cute. Some really OLD dude came to the office today. He looked at me and told me my hair looked like it was right out of the 40's. Guess I succeeded.

And the verdict is...

2009-03-06T00:13:00.000-08:00

Well ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves now here! Mediation was today. It couldn't have gone better for the kids - and as a result, for my position. I mean really, it must have been painful to be him today. Like really, REALLY painful. On the upside he admitted that all of the facts surrounding my concerns were true, though it seemed painfully obvious that he couldn't understand why any of it was a problem. In any event the mediator said her recommendation would be for supervised visits. Now the irony is; not only does that mean he most likely won't get a single thing he asked for, but he'll probably end up with an even less favorable situation than we started with - at least in terms of his own personal wishes. The best news of all is that in the end the kids win. They win safe visits. That is a huge victory. Now, I just hope we don't end up with some rogue judge who thinks the mediators recommendations are worthless or something.

Tomorrow is my last day at the law firm. I have a week off before I start dispatch training. I will be off work but I'll be studying my behind off so it's not like a vacation! I'm so excited for this new chapter! Oh, and my cousin who works at the firm told me she was bringing in Donut Man for me tomorrow! (er uh... I guess really today since it's past midnight... but whatever) I'm so excited that I'm not going to be able to sleep!!! If you don't know what Donut Man is you are missing out on the BEST donuts in the history of donuts. Seriously!

I'm seriously considering...

2009-03-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

Wearing my hair in 40's hair rolls for the rest of the week... simply because I can. I love that I know how to do it and I hate that I don't use the skill nearly often enough.

Seriously. :)

Ahhh... I got called out.... Welcome to my blog.

2009-02-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

I got a call from the former - yeah the one facing criminal charges - and he proceeds to tell me a few things. First of all his relationship has ended. This is no surprise. In my mind it has always been a matter of when, not if. As a result, he tells me, he has the kids clothes and stuff to bring to them. This break up has happened a few times and never stuck. I think this time it might be the end. Who knows... but if it is, it's just one more thing for the kids to grieve.

A week or two ago I had asked him, at Isaiah's request, for a game controller and some other things that had been gifts to Isaiah. He said if Isaiah wanted them he would have to ask himself. So on Saturday, Isaiah mustered up the courage to ask him for them. Literally the poor kid had to psych himself out to get the courage to ask a question he must have anticipated the answer to. Drew said no. I couldn't for the life of me understand why he would tell me that Isaiah had to be the one to ask when all along he knew he was going to say no. It honestly seemed cruel to me (actually the counselor said it was cruel as well - so I don't think I'm being overly sensitive here either), but I reassured a broken hearted Isaiah that it was ok. That it was just stuff, that well ... I didn't know what to say but I tried to make him feel better about it anyway. Well, apparently Drew changed his mind because tonight he says to tell Isaiah he had those very items.

Then he cancelled plans to meet on Thursday for Sophia's birthday (which is Wednesday) because he's cooking up some bigger plan for a weekend day in the next few weeks. Did you know that kids don't really care so much about a big event as they do that you keep your word? Anyway so now the kids are telling me I lied because they aren't going to see their dad on Thursday. Awesome. I had to explain that I didn't lie. The plans changed.

Then, he tells me he has found some "stuff" on me. So I ask what kind of stuff he's referring to. He says he's seen stuff I've written on my blog and implies that he doesn't like what he's found. He tells me this as if he now has some serious dirt on me. Really. Like anything I could write here could begin to compete with a felony charge? That's funny.

Tonight I decided to read through everything I've ever written about him. You know what? I'm still proud of the way I have responded, and I don't think anything I've written has been inappropriate. In fact I think the things I've written have been pretty level headed and ultimately fair.

Maybe he didn't like the links to the articles about his (I should probably say alleged..?) crimes? You know what's really interesting? I first wrote about the arrest I knew would come way back in October of 2007. I didn't say it clearly then because I knew there was an investigation happening, but I did know the day would come when he would be caught.

I'm not worried about him finding "dirt" on me here. I don't have anything to hide.

Welcome to my blog.

The Best Valentine's Day EVER!

2009-02-15T09:23:00.001-08:00

Last year on Valentine's Day Brian and I had lunch at Marie Callendar's because the kids were with their dad for the morning. He bought me a ton of cute socks - which if you know me was a very cool gift! Then we took a pie home to his mom, who I met for the first time that day. We had been dating less than two months. It was a good date.

Yesterday couldn't have been more different! We got on the Metrolink in Rialto at a few minutes before 9 a.m. with my three girls, three jackets, two booster car seats, and one giant overnight bag. We got in to Union Station and caught the Metro Red line to 7th Street. From there we took the Metro Blue line to Imperial/Wilmington/Rosa Parks. We took the Metro Green line from there to Redondo Beach. We got there around noon. My aunt was planning to meet us to pick up the girls but she wasn't going to be there for a bit and we were hungry. So we walked to the only place within sight, a place called Tommy's if I recall correctly, and lucky for us it was actually pretty good. We had "lunch-fast" as we renamed it because it seemed a little late to call it brunch, and neither of us grown ups had eaten breakfast. Barbie met us there and picked up the girls. Brian and I got back on the train around one and made our way back into L.A.

We got off at Union Station and walked through admiring the building. It is really quite beautiful. I had never been to Olvera Street which I realize, having lived in Southern California my whole life, is pretty pathetic. We wandered the marketplace, and walked through the oldest house in Los Angeles. It is always amazing to me to be in a place like that where you can feel the weight of the history. There were people who's lives revolved around that home so many years ago, and here I am walking on the same wood floor. Not to mention it had the feel of what inspired my dad to design our house the way he did... it was amazing! We also watched a group of Native American dancers in full costumes with beautiful head pieces dancing and beating drums.

We walked a ways and stopped in at the Japanese American National Museum. I had heard that the government forced many Japanese Americans into camps in the 40's. In my education of that historical time I had a very antiseptic understanding of those events. In fact I think the only reason I knew anything about it at all was because of the reparations that were paid in the late 80's. I don't think my public school education ever taught me a thing about the atrocities the United States perpetuated on its own people. I was moved, and disgusted, and then inspired. These people lost everything. Most lost all of their money because they banked with Japanese banks that were seized by the government. Those who didn't have much money lost their homes because they couldn't work to continue paying for them. Those who didn't own homes lost their jobs and all of them lost their community. Even once they were released from the camps, with $25 and a buss pass, many didn't know where to go. The attitude of the American People against them was terrifying to them and they were afraid to go back to where they came from. For all their trouble, the government - nearly 50 years later, sent an apology letter and a $20,000 check to each of them. Yet, even after all they were put through, the gentleman at the museum who had lived through it was not angry. He had moved beyond it. You know it struck me that I learned an awful lot about how bad Nazi Germany was for rounding up the Jews but apparently our government things we're better because our camps didn't have gas chambers... I mean I guess that is a step up if we're qualifying atrocities.

After that museum we tried to go to the Museum of Contemporary Art, which is right next door, but it is closed until the end of June or something. So we walked, and walked, and walked some more. We passed through Little Tokyo, we saw City Hall and Parker Center, Disney Concert Hall, the Courts, and the prison - which I must say has a pretty fancy look about it for a prison - about a million other things too... then we walked through the Los Angeles Public Library. That place is fantastic! It would take a month to do even a decent job of exploring the whole Library. They have the most phenomenal children's section! I can't wait to take the kids for story time in their puppet theater!

By the time we finished at the library I was pretty much beat. We had been on 7 trains and walked about a hundred miles, uphill all the way... ok, obviously not a hundred but my feet were pretty convinced it was close to that. So we jumped on the train at Pershing Square and got back on the Metrolink at Union Station. My head decided to try to explode. It provided me with one of those headaches that makes you wonder if you might die or at very least projectile vomit in the most inappropriate of places. We got off the train in Rialto, Brian drove us back to my house (with me whimpering in the fetal position the whole way) and I took a handful of various pills in an attempt to dull the throbbing ache in my head. Three advil and two tylenol and a half hour later I was starting to feel relief. Brian called in an order for dinner to Lucille's BBQ (oh, yummmy!!!) and went to work on my head. He has magic in his fingers I swear! He worked out all the knots in my shoulders, neck and head. By the time we needed to leave to go pick up our dinner I felt 100% again!

We walked past the THRONGS of people waiting to eat on Valentine's Day, picked up our dinner and left. (Ha, ha suckers!!! :)) We made a quick stop at Target in search of wine because BevMo was closed. I decided I wanted to try Sangria so we grabbed that and headed home. Dinner was amazing, there are leftovers for tonight! Oh, and Sangria is yummy too! We started to watch a movie, and true to form I was asleep way before it ended... Ok, I might have been asleep by the time the opening credits were done I'm not entirely sure... but it was an awesome day! I can't wait to go back to L.A. with the kids sometime too.

Welcome to Ghetto Days Of MY Life.

2009-02-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

I've said for a long time that the drama with my former rose to the level of daytime soap opera. Ok, I'll be honest, I also said it was like the ghetto version of said soaps. The ghetto soap opera status just got launched into the stratosphere by the latest turn of events.

Bloomington Man Arrested for Local High School Burglary

Custodian arrested on suspicion of theft - On this page the interesting article is the fifth headline down.

Bloomington Man Arrested for Local High School Burglary - San Bernardino City Site

I will say they did get something wrong... He's actually 33.

Wow. That's all I can say. Well, wow and that I am not surprised, but it's still kinda shocking. Welcome to As the Ghetto Turns.

I'm not sure I should be posting this... but I'm going to anyway

2009-01-18T11:32:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last few months especially burdened for my kids and all of the things they are struggling through with their dad. I have wanted to do the best for them but my judgement about what that would be exactly had been clouded by my fear. I have been afraid to cross him, to make him angry - or angrier than he already was. I have worried that if I made him mad he would fight me in court. I dread the idea of having some random judge decide the fate of my children. I don't have any faith in the system because I've seen it go very wrong before. I also worry about the cost of that process on an already strained financial situation.

Finally though I realized that I had to act on my conviction. If I'm not willing to do what's best for them regardless of my fears, then who will? So I went with my gut. My decision to no longer allow the kids overnights or one on one visits with their dad was a tough one, but it has been reinforced in many ways. The kids counselor was absolutely in favor of it. The kids are clearly relieved. They have been overheard reassuring each other that they don't have to be afraid of dad now because they don't have to be alone with him anymore so he can't "hurt" them. The fact that they didn't know a grown up was hearing these conversations further reinforces my decision.

It had been two weeks since they had seen him but since I still don't have a monitor in place, in spite of a sincere effort to find one, I offered to meet him for a visit at a park. When I told the kids we were going to see their dad, Isaiah was apathetic, the younger two seemed to think of it as any other outing, but Ella said she was scared to go. She said she was afraid dad was going to be mad that they haven't seen him. She was afraid he was going to yell at them, or at me. I reassured her that if he yelled at me I could handle it, and if he yelled at them I would be there for her.

The visit went as smoothly as it could have. My parents, his mom and sister were all there too. He looked wrecked. He eluded in a recent phone conversation to bad news of some sort. He had said that he would be giving me more information soon. Still nothing on that front, and when asked he said he might be able to tell me more next week. I'm trying not to read too much into it though because it could be anything from actual bad news to some sort of sick manipulation or anywhere in between. He did say he was loosing it. He said he was going crazy and that the fact that he couldn't see the kids was making it worse. I reminded him that his being unstable wasn't good for them, nor is it fair for him to look to them for his stability. I told him, as I have many times before, that I wasn't trying to be mean, that this decision wasn't made lightly and was not intended to be hurtful to him, although I'm sure it ends up being so anyway.

After the visit with Drew we headed to San Gabriel and had lunch with my grandpa for his birthday. Then the kids and I headed home. We made a quick stop at Target for a few things I needed and I picked up some things for Brian's trip as he was packing at the last minute and needed a few things from the store. My cousin was supposed to be arriving at 3:30 p.m. Well, she forgot that Arizona time is not the same as ours so she arrived at 2:30 and I wasn't home yet. I got home a few minutes later, we started getting ready to go out to a big family get together. Brian came by to pick up a few things, I said goodbye to him. Then my parents arrived and got ready. Grandma Sue came right as I finished getting ready. She took the kids to church and to Carl's Jr. for dinner. The rest of us left to go to Alhambra for the family event. I got home after 11 p.m.

I didn't calculate the mileage, but I drove/rode from Rialto almost all the way to L.A. and back twice yesterday. I'm exhausted today!

It's been a little bit...

2009-01-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

I've been kinda busy. First of all the holiday's were busy, as usual. Well, maybe not in the usual way but still busy.

Brian completed the EMT program and we all went to the completion ceremony where he was recognized with an award for excellence. There was even a write up in the paper about it. His last name has apparently been officially changed to "Thomas" I guess they thought Thompson was a little too long. In any event it was fun. My parents came with us to his parents house after the ceremony and met each other for the first time that night. Now he is studying for the National exam which he is taking tomorrow.

I spent Christmas Eve with Brian's family, which was a lot of fun. I enjoy being around them! Then we came back to my house and waited for my kids to get home from their dad's house. Once we got them to bed and played Santa, Brian went home. We had Christmas morning with my parent and the kids... and my dad's home made cinnamon rolls YUMMY! Then Brian came over for Christmas dinner.

There was definitely a gaping hole in Christmas without Karissa here... which felt even bigger without Mark and Adrianne here too. They had an amazing trip to NYC though - which I followed through twitter - that is quite the fun addiction!

The day after Christmas Brian came with me and the kids to the Ashley family Christmas. He had met some of my family but he got the full force that day. It was a blast. He helped my uncle take my grandma back to the home and made major brownie points with my grandpa. Though he didn't do it to make a good impression, it is just his nature, it was still a nice side effect.

There has been a whole host of drama in the "former" department... which I want in jest to refer to as "baby daddy drama" but I'm pretty sure that would make me sound lame... not that I'm one to care much about how I sound seeing as I've lived 32 years without a functioning filter. Anyway I guess I need to make a joke of it because it's been so horrible it's one of those laugh or cry kinda deals. I have spent the better part of a year pleading for changes on behalf of the kids and it finally reached a point where their therapist was saying they shouldn't have to go, not based on anything I say but on what the kids are telling her. Now I'm working on setting up a supervised situation which the therapist thinks is a good idea.

So that was probably about 5 blogs in one because I've been lazy with my blogs for a while.

Work is optional when you owe child support...

2008-12-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

Or at least that's what my "BFF" thinks. He took more than a week worth of time off work, without pay, because he was out of sick and vacation time. Oh, and don't worry, he wasn't sick or anything. In fact he kept asking for extra time with the kids because he had time off work! Never mind that he knew full well taking that time off would mean I would end up getting less of the support than he already doesn't pay in full every month. You think he could have mentioned it say, when he took the time off without pay??? or perhaps when he got his paycheck and saw that it was significantly less than half of what it normally is! Nope. He waited until I found out - because the deposit was short two days before Christmas. Then, when I sent him a text asking what happened he said "I'm sorry what did you want me to do?" UGH - try work and support the four kids you have with me!
Icing on the cake - Sunday morning when he picked up the kids he tells me they are getting "spoiled" at his house for Christmas, and that his girlfriend just made $400 in tips the night before and is making a ton again that day so they have all this money! Nice huh! (not that I think she should pay his debt to me and the kids but really - is that why he figured he didn't need to work?!)

Christmas Q's

2008-12-20T11:02:00.000-08:00

http://whittakerwoman.typepad.com/whittaker_woman/ Did this on her blog and, though I'm a little slow to get around to it, I figured I'd go ahead and do it too.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Honestly it just kind of depends on the year, and my mood. I've been known to wrap all my gifts in brown craft paper (off of a GIANT roll that I ordered from Uline a million years ago) and spruce it up with fun ribbon. Then everyone told me I was boring so I stopped... I really liked that brown paper, maybe I should break it out again this year!

2. Real tree or Artificial? I've been rockin the fake tree for a LONG time and I'm over it. We have a real tree at the office and now I'm 100% convinced I need a real one next year!

3. When do you put up the tree? Typically the day after Thanksgiving - but sometimes a bit later.

4. When do you take the tree down? Early January... not really a specific time.

5. Do you like eggnog? Not so much - it has the consistency of snot, only sweet... YUCK!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? One year the only thing I wanted was a purple radio. I was absolutely sure I wouldn't get it because we didn't have much money. When I opened that radio (that I think my parents got some crazy deal on) I couldn't believe it. The tape player started eating tapes years later but my dad actually uses it to this day to listen to talk radio while he works. It always makes me smile to see my purple radio sitting in the middle of a construction zone with my dad still getting use out of it!

8. Easiest person to buy for? Ella. If it's girly girly girly she'll LOVE it!

9. Do You have a nativity scene? Yes, my brother bought it for me a long time ago and I love it!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'm a loser in this department. I used to buy Christmas cards and never mailed them. Now I save the money knowing they'll never get sent anyway!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? One year my grandma gave me blue eye shadow and a lip gloss when the rest of the grand kids, except for my brother, got Levi jeans and shirts and sleeping bags and, and, and, and.... it was really ridiculous! Buy evenly, or at least do a good job of making it LOOK even - especially for kids!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? We used to watch Christmas Vacation every year on Thanksgiving - it was a tradition... well that and Grumpy Old Men... but this year I think it might be Elf.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually try to get it done before Thanksgiving but this year that didn't even come close to happening! I don't have a start date... just before the rush starts for sure!

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Absolutely. One mans junk is another mans treasure.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My mom's (passed down from my dad's grandma) orange rolls - yummy!!!

16. Lights on the tree? I always do white but I think I'm going to change it up next year!

17. Favorite Christmas song? I LOVE Baby it's Cold Outside!!! (one reason I love the movie Elf)

18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? A little of both.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? not so much

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I have a star. It's my favorite ornament!

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Hello, Santa delivers them Christmas night so Christmas morning is when you open them! <---- Heather's answer is exactly right! Oh, and If we're at my grandma Ashley's house the answer is "not until it's dark?"

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Cranky spazzoid shoppers!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I always do gold, crystal and red.. with white lights. BUT... I'm loving the colors this year so I may switch it up... oh and at work the gifts were wrapped in lime green and bright pink which was pretty cool!

24. Favorite Christmas dinner? I can't pick one answer here - I love the traditional meal at the Ashley Christmas, but we've done tamales at my house which I always love, oh and then there was the time we did fondue which was super fun!!!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I don't really have wants.... I'm content :-)

Is this what an office Christmas is normally like?

2008-12-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

First of all we have the office decorating fairy who spends an inordinate amount of time and money decorating for every holiday. I show up on a Monday morning to find Halloween like Disney did it, then a few weeks later Halloween has morphed into a fairytale Fall festival. Soon Thanksgiving has passed and I arrive to work to find an elaborate display of all things Christmas. We have a contests for every occasion as well.

Now we have a Christmas party planned, and a secret Santa gift exchange too. I have been hearing tales of Christmas parties past and it's all very interesting. Things like "we start the liquor flowing at 8 a.m.!" No kidding?! We are going to Club 33 at Disneyland for lunch (seems appropriate considering I feel like I arrive at the Disney decorating barn for work every morning!) and we'll be taking a tour bus to the park. Apparently the alcohol continues to flow on the ride down from what I'm told.

Yesterday the support staff was called into a meeting with The BOSS. Understand that we never have an audience with the office royalty so this is clearly a huge deal! Mr. Boss proceeds to tell us that we need to be aware of how much we drink this year (read: don't get plastered... I think) and that if we are deemed, by him, too drunk to drive home by the time we arrive back at the office at 5:15 or so that he will hire a car to drive us home. Next order of business, because we apparently sit around the giant Christmas tree like a scene from Jerry Springer's Best of Holiday's Special, people were "upset" last year because of their Christmas gift. The Boss doesn't want anyone to "ruin" Christmas again this year so as a result we are to email the office administrator within a half an hour and tell her what store we want a gift card from, or a list of 3 gifts we want and they will select from our list. Ok, so I guess I don't hide my shock well. My chin hit the floor. I cannot imagine complaining about a gift from anyone but I sure as heck can't imagine complaining about a gift at work! Wait, but then again, I can't imagine a workplace where the boss actually has to lecture the employees not to get plastered at the office Christmas party!!!

I couldn't make this stuff up - it's way too crazy!

Baby Isaiah... not to be confused with my son Isaiah...

2008-12-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

I’m going to start from the beginning, and it’s a long story, so if you don’t feel like reading it all go ahead and skip to the end.
Five years ago my cousin had twins. She couldn’t take care of them and they were placed in foster care. They were eventually adopted by the foster parents. In August of 2003, 13 months after the twins were born she had a son. She named him Isaiah. I was at the hospital the day she had him. I changed his first diaper and fed him his first bottle. I fell in love. When he was four months old she found herself without a place to live. She asked me to take him in. At the time she said it could be for “a few weeks, months, years… I don’t know.” Honestly I was prepared then to raise him for life. However, because of the open case with the twins at the time DCFS got involved. In spite of the fact that his father (who’s name was not even on the birth certificate) had been recently released from jail after a conviction for WILLFUL harm to a child, the social worker told me to turn Isaiah over to his father. In fact the social worker said he didn’t want a white woman raising a black child and that if I didn’t give the child to the father willingly he would give the man my home address. Out of concern for the safety of the rest of my family and frankly unaware of my options at the time, I complied. I have prayed for Isaiah constantly for the last five years. I have worried about his safety and how his life would turn out.
Fast forward to Saturday night. My mom received a call from my aunt saying that Isaiah had been removed from the home he had been living in due to abuse. I immediately started contemplating what I would do if they asked me to take him in. There really wasn’t ever any doubt. In any event, yesterday I received a call from my cousin saying that DCFS wanted my contact information and details about my home and who lives with me. She asked if I would take him in. Obviously I said yes. There is still plenty of question as to what the court will decide to do. If you know anything about the children’s courts they don’t always make a lot of sense. I volunteered to meet my cousin at the court for a hearing today in part to be a support to her but also to try to get a moment with the social worker in hopes that I can convince her that I would provide a more stable and loving environment that the other option. That other possibility is actually placing him back in the same home he was removed from, which to you and me might seem an obviously poor option but as I said, with the children’s courts you really never know.
I left the house at 7 am, got to court at 8:30, only to find out that I needed cash for parking. I turned around and got cash at a nearby gas station and got back and into the court by 9. I proceeded to wait until 11:45 or so before they called our case. Upon entering the court room the judge essentially took roll, had a sidebar with the attorneys and continued the case, with no further discussion, to January 22. When we left, the attorney for my cousin said that we should get me interviewed by DCFS asap and to get that moving today. When we called them they said they couldn't do anything until I was LiveScanned and that we had to go to Torrance to do that. They said it would only take a few minutes, so we went. It took over two hours. Then I headed back to work. It should have been about an hour drive. It took three. I called work and found out that the updates I had given my coworker throughout the day had not been relayed to my boss! I left her a message, but I never made it to work. I hope I have a job in the morning!

Starbucks "Perfect Oatmeal" ??? Not as perfect as mine!

2008-12-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

I got into a little habit of driving through Starbucks almost every morning for some "Perfect Oatmeal." It was getting to be a pretty expensive habit at $2.45 a pop, not to mention the temptation to add a Pumpkin Spice Latte to the bill every day! So I decided to try to recreate it myself. I started by using Quaker one minute quick cook oats. I bought dried fruit from the bins at Winco and some to go coffee cups with lids. I measured out the oatmeal, fruit, and some brown sugar and put it all in the cup, covered it with plastic wrap and I was ready to add milk in the mornings. This was going pretty well I thought. On my way out I'd stick a cup or so of milk in the microwave for a few minutes, pour it over my pre-measured oatmeal mix and put the lid on. I never eat it until I get to work and it's always really good. In fact I think it's better than Starbucks. Oh, and all told it's twice as much food for half the price, literally. Well, I ran out of one minute oats, so I asked Brian to pick some up for me because he was going to the store anyway. He did, but he got the old fashioned oats instead of the one minute stuff. I was a little worried because I don't have time to actually cook oatmeal and my system was working pretty well with the other oats. I decided to give it a practice run at home. I wouldn't want to get all the way to work only to find that my breakfast wasn't cooked!!! Anyway, I have to say that was the best "mistake" ever! My oatmeal can kick Starbucks "(Not so) Perfect Oatmeal's" tail! Maybe I should start a business and sell The Best Oatmeal EVER!!!

Oh and another thing, I bought a new car! A 2008 Saturn Outlook. YEAH me! I should post pictures sometime, but as you well know I'll probably never get around to it!

Hi, my name is Elissa. It's been 13 days since my last post.

2008-11-22T19:26:00.001-08:00

Hi, my name is Elissa and I've fallen off the blog bandwagon again! It's been almost two weeks since my last post!

See, the thing is, it's been really hard to come up with things to write about when the thing I want most to say I can't... Yet. I think I should be able to spill the beans in a few more weeks though. I am buzzing with excitement about my announcement!

In other news, my car is on it's last leg. I need a new one! Well not a NEW one but one that, I don't know, say starts on demand with at least relative frequency. I think it would also be cool if the car would only start with the key, preferably the one that is meant to start the car. (If any of you are looking for a filthy ride come on over to my job and pick it up, it wouldn't take much to steal it!) Oh, and if the air worked that would be such a huge bonus! I mean seriously, I come in to work after lunch looking like I jumped out of a plane on my break. I could deal with it, I guess, if it was just me, but I also have at least one kid prone to car sickness. We can usually head it off with a good dose of nice cold air conditioning but when that option is no longer available then we have a problem. I have been wanting a Saturn Outlook since they came out in late 2007. I've test driven them twice. I'm excited that it seats 8 but gets better gas mileage than my van! So I'm looking. I'm not in a panic at least until the day that my van doesn't start at all but one of these days I'm going to be driving a nice new (at least to me) Outlook! WooHoo!!!

Say My Name, Say My Name!

2008-11-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

So I was doing a mindless questionnaire out of boredom over on the teenyboppers social networking site, also known as MySpace, when I came across a question. The question was why did my parents give me the name they did. Somehow in my mind the rabbit trail from that question led to this post, so here we go.
First of all some background: My mom's childhood neighbor was named Elissa. Obviously when you know someone with a name it becomes familiar to you. My parents chose to name me after her. All is well until I was about 7 days old and they realized there was a problem. So many people had trouble saying my name that by the time I was a week old my brother, who was 22 months old at the time, told a waitress in a restaurant that my name was "Melissa without the M" or at least that's the story as I recall it.
I have spent the rest of my life doing essentially the same thing. I was probably eight when I remember laying awake at night trying to figure out how, exactly, my mom intended people to pronounce my name. Frankly, they usually just called me "liss" (or "chubby cheeks" but that's for another post). See the problem was this: Mom's whole family calls me EEEEElissa (seriously EMPHASIS ON THE E!!!!!). My Dad's family called me something closer to Eh-lissa. People at school pronounced it like Alyssa. And those are just the pronunciations that were somewhere close to right... Then there's the great uncle who, to this day calls me Aleesa, Alicia or something else that is close but really, really not right. I have only had one teacher in my entire school career who said my name right the first time. Many of them never said it right all semester!
When I say my name I say it like the letter "L" and then "issa." Oh and then there's this... I can't ever, ever say "Hi, I'm Elissa" because then I put that pesky "m" right in front of my name and the person will invariably call me "Melissa" for the rest of my life. I learned (probably right around that lying awake incident) that I have to say "hi, my name is Elissa" or I was doomed to be mispronounced! You would think that seeing it written would help, but that only seems to make it worse!

... and my brother's name is Mark. How many times do you think someone has said his name wrong in his whole life?! :~)

The state of my house...

2008-11-08T14:20:00.000-08:00

Is unbearable! I have probably 7 loads of dirty laundry, and three loads of unfolded clean laundry. Not to mention the sheets that need to be washed... I woke up this morning to a kitchen full of a weeks worth of dirty dishes, which probably sounds a lot worse than it is but in reality we only get to eat at home about once a week because of work and church schedules, so it was mostly cups and random stuff. I also had about a year and a half worth of mail and random junk piled up on my piano and the buffet behind the piano that really NEEDED to be dealt with... ok, I exaggerate, it was probably only about 3 months worth... I know, I know it's ridiculous!!! My bookshelf in the kitchen had last years leftover consumable textbooks and a few regular textbooks that still needed to go back to the kids teacher. Don't even get me started about the kids rooms!
So, I recruited Ella and Abby to unload the dishwasher. Isaiah loaded it. The kids cleaned their rooms, well they did a kid version of cleaning their rooms which means at least I know there is still carpet in there. I cleared out the textbooks and the drawers and cabinet beneath them. While I was at it I cleaned out my desk. I filled an entire trash bag. Then I found my piano under all the crap that had piled up. I organized and moved all my important junk into the desk... you know where important junk should go. I managed to get the mountain of dirty laundry moved to the garage. Then I realized I'm out of laundry soap, oh... and toilet paper too, but the kids are napping now so I guess I'll have to get to all the laundry tomorrow! As for the T.P., if I get desperate at least I know I have good neighbors!

I might make some enemies but at least the election is over!

2008-11-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

First of all I'll say it, I voted for the other guy. Not because I thought he was amazing but because I lean his way politically. I also realize that in the state of California my vote was essentially wasted. All of that said, I was tempted to vote for Obama. I am excited to experience history in the making. I am proud that have come far enough that matters of race won't keep a man from the presidency, and it gives me hope that my daughters too could be president one day. Not that I'd wish the job on them mind you but if they want it... by all means! The irony is that one of the things I don't agree with Obama on is the redistribution of wealth thing, even though I'm probably in the position to benefit from it. My brother's increased taxes will basically be headed straight to my pocket. (Hey Mark, wanna cut out the middle man?)

All the political wrangling of the last few months had me dizzy. I was sick of all of it. I wanted it to end! I was tired of political signs every 3 feet and swarms of people begging me to honk at every street corner.

I am amazed, I must say, that in this state we value farm animals more than human lives. That two consenting gay adults cannot get married (and where you stand on that issue isn't the point but rather the contrast of that fact to this one:) but a 10 year old girl can get an abortion without her parents even knowing it truly blows my mind. What kind of sense does that make? That little girl couldn't get ibuprofen at school, a pair of prescription eyeglasses, or even cold medicine without parental consent, but we will allow her to have the life of her unborn child suctioned from her womb without any thought. All the while we want to make REAL sure that animals headed for slaughter as food have enough room to stretch their legs/wings etc. while they wait! Ridiculous!

You can all call me crazy but I am just plain confused at how this stuff makes any sense.

Wilson, and some "coffin" brownies

2008-10-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

I'm taking "Wilson" to work on Friday. Actually, Rosie the Riveter is taking Wilson to work on Friday. Among the (many) odd and somewhat interesting facts about the firm where I work is that they have a MAJOR knack for the celebration. I showed up to work one day almost a month ago now and it looked like a Halloween store had exploded into the offices. Then we got the "memo" that we would be having a pumpkin carving contest (realistic fake pumpkins provided by the firm), a costume contest, and two food contests - one for presentation and one for taste. There are some who will not join the fun - the office Jehovah's Witness gets a free pass, no one is looking at her like the Grinch who stole Halloween - but from what I can tell the rest of us better play or risk being the one who just came to the party to eat the food. So I started mulling around ideas. I'm not especially creative, and I don't mind looking stupid from time to time but this was a whole lot of creative pressure!

I ended up picking a really cool looking white pumpkin. Then I started trying to come up with an idea. I had one of those light bulb moments but kind of wondered if it would be lame... Finally I turned to my trusty friend the internet. Lo and behold I'm not the first person to come up with the idea. Needless to say I probably won't win any awards, but at least I won't return with a naked pumpkin!

Meet Wilson:

He will be sitting on a Fed Ex box when I put him on display... just to add a little something to his relevance. Just in case you are wondering, yes - I know that movie is soooooo last decade, or maybe even last century, but it was the best I could come up with!

As for the coffin's, I make a mean brownie, so I decided to put my strength on a platter. I also am fairly handy with some cake decorating tools so we'll see how it goes. I'm baking and cutting out the shapes tonight. Then I'll wrap them up and freeze them so that I can decorate on Thursday night. I'll post pictures of those when they're done if I remember... but they smell YUMMY! Oh, and as an added bonus - tonight, I'm eating brownie scraps!!!

Public Service Announcement

2008-10-22T22:02:00.001-07:00

Out of my love and concern for your taste buds I found it necessary to warn you:

There is a "candy," disguising itself in a Hershey Kiss wrapper, that is unworthy to be consumed by any human - much less be considered candy! Now, I don't know exactly what it is called but it's some kind of holiday bull crap with spices. I think it must be white "chocolate" (anything white calling itself chocolate is NOT chocolate - but that's a whole 'nother blog) colored about the shade of pumpkin pie and flavored with the spice mix meant to go in pumpkin pie. It is horrible. I mean truly awful - DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

My boss - who I'm convinced at this point must be trying to make me vomit in the stairwell for sport (I'm wondering if Adam put her up to it?) - put a bowl of these by the sign in/out sheet on the third floor. I grabbed one on the way out and popped it in my mouth before heading down the stairs. I realized as soon as it's foul meltiness hit my taste buds that it was a mistake, but there was no remedy. I am stuck running down three flights of stairs with this horrendous excuse for a candy in my mouth. I ran out the door at the bottom floor, knowing that my rescue was near. I reached for the trashcan by the desk of our door man and SPAT that nasty thing out!

I think I may never live it down with the two coworkers who witnessed the event but I have learned my lesson. Never trust a Hershey's Kiss - they are no longer an innocent sweetness in a cute silver wrapper - they are trickery, madness, pure unadulterated BLECH!

Consider yourself warned!

Boring details of life

2008-10-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got up early - for a Saturday - and got the kids ready to go. Brian met us here and we all went down to the property. Oh, and we took Macy the wonder dog with us. Brian helped my dad carry hundred pound planks and put them up on the top of the structure to form the ceiling of the house. The progress is amazing! The kids and I picked up pieces of wood that littered the perimeter of the entire job site. The cut off pieces from all the walls formed an outline around the house. I worked on one section of that, then I went in and started sweeping up the interior. The kids kept working until they had cleaned up pretty much every piece of wood! It was amazing, and exhausting! We stopped for lunch and all eight of us squeezed into the little trailer. That was kind of interesting and a bit cozy! We quit working around two thirty and headed home. We got home, showered, and turned right back around and went to church. It was a LONG day, but a lot of fun! It was the first time I've felt like I actually contributed something to the project. I had my camera but, as usual, I forgot to take any pictures!

Today I decided I was sleeping in! The kids didn't go to their dad's so I didn't have to get them ready early. I woke up around nine thirty. I don't remember the last time I slept that late! I did finally go through a bag of junk that Drew gave me about a week ago. He said there were clothes for the kids in the bag. Most of it was too small, or too stained to actually use. I now have a giant bag of trash in my living room but at least I can check sorting through all that junk off my list! Now I have a week worth of laundry to do and last weeks laundry still needs to be folded... ugh... it never ends! I did enlist the help of the kids to get the dishes done. Obviously, I still have tons to do but I'm taking a break now, it's nap time!

"When are you gonna stop using my last name lady?!"

2008-10-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

That was the "important" discussion to be had this morning when the kids were buckled in the car ready to go with their dad to a parade this morning. So I said "what are you talking about?" He replies "well all of your stuff still has Gonzales on it and you still use the bunchagonzos email address and your name isn't even Gonzales anymore, we're divorced you know." To which I answered "actually, my last name is Gonzales." He then tells me "no it's not, it's Ashley, we're divorced." He says divorced nice and slow for emphasis, like I didn't understand it the first time. I tell him "no, it's not. I didn't change my last name back because I have four kids who have the last name Gonzales and I didn't want to make things complicated by having a different one." He's obviously annoyed now and implies that I can't do that. Wow, the logic and intelligence astounds me! So as I'm walking away, already shaking my head in a combination of amusement and disbelief, he says "so, when ARE you gonna change it?" I say, "I'm sure I'll change it when I get married again eventually." As I walk back to the house it takes all the strength I can muster not to laugh out loud! Talk about entertainment.

Big things are happening!!!

2008-10-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

I'm dying to blog about it, but I can't... Yet. I'm tempted to send a mass email to everyone I know because I want so badly to tell everyone! Hmmmm is that what people did before blogging?

Blonde or Blond?

2008-10-03T07:26:00.000-07:00

Oh, I thought of something random and stupid to blog about! How do YOU spell the word "blonde" or "blond" as in the hair color? See, I always thought it was "blonde" but spell check tells me I'm stupid every time I spell it that way so I thought, "fine! you want it your way, I'll spell it your way!" So I started spelling it "blond." Then I'm chatting with a friend online, I spell it spell check's way and they correct me. So, how do you spell it?! Is there a right or wrong? Is this one of those "English" spellings vs. "American" spellings? Maybe "blond" means something totally different than "blonde" who knows?! I don't prefer to look stupid though, so if someone with a freaking English degree could throw me a bone I'd totally appreciate it!

It's been a really long time since I've blogged!

2008-10-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

So, I decided to write something. There's only one catch... I have HUGE things happening that I can't blog about! Argh! If you know me and wanna know - hit me up and I'll give you the info in an email.

No excitement last night!

2008-09-21T08:38:00.001-07:00

Thank goodness! I slept through the whole night without a single bloody nose or hacking cough waking me up - mine or the kids! I basically spent all day yesterday cleaning. Now my house looks like it needs to be cleaned... as opposed to looking like it had been hit by hurricane Ike! Oh, and don't even get me started on my van! Three trash bags, a full basket of dirty clothes, a basket of toys, and an insane amount of shoes later I wouldn't die of embarrassment if you saw the inside of my vehicle! It could, however, still use a good washing. Oh, and I did at least four loads of laundry. Well to say they are done might not be exactly correct because they aren't all folded or put away but they are clean! I could go try to "finish" the job but frankly the job will never be done and it's my Sabbath. I'm taking the day off!

Middle of the night fun...

2008-09-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

Two nights in a row now I've been awakened by Sophia who, most nights, sleeps in my bed. The night before last she woke me up and says with her whiniest sleepy voice "mommy why is my face so sticky?!" I know there must me something at least somewhat askew because she didn't go to sleep with a sticky face. I blink until my eyes start working and the scene comes into relative focus - you know for a dimly lit bedroom in the middle of the night. I realize that her face, and MY pillow are COVERED in blood! Ugh! So, because I'm in desperate need of every minute of sleep I can get, I toss the bloody pillow on the floor and give her some tissue and we fall back to sleep. In the morning it took a good ten minutes of work in the shower to get all that blood off and reveal her pretty face. The one good thing was that at least the mess was confined to one pillow and her face.
Last night however... She literally bled everywhere. I haven't checked the carpet thoroughly yet but it wouldn't surprise me if I found some spots. She managed to bleed on my side of the bed, her side of the bed, the middle of the bed, the blanket on top of the bed, the sheet in about a dozen places, I mean EVERYWHERE! Plus the bleed wouldn't stop. (which, in my awake mind, is probably why she managed to bleed in so many places!) I had to pinch her nose with tissue to keep it from bleeding. We both fell asleep like that. Oh, and the superhero mommy I am, I covered the bed in towels (red ones thank you) and we went back to sleep. I'm off to bleach my sheets now. Happy Saturday to me!

why does it feel like 2 a.m.?

2008-09-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

It's only 8:45 or so but I swear it feels like the middle of the night. I've been sick - love how kids so generously share the one thing you wish they'd keep to themselves - anyway, I guess I'm waking up partly because of the hacking and congestion. Whatever the reason it's annoying to wake up four times a night when I have to get up for work at 6:30 in the morning! Plus I'm in perpetual need of a nap! I'm beat!

In other news, today I found out that my work only pays for junior college - not the next two years... which is AWESOME... since I already have my associates. So much for that. I think I might get some loans and finish anyway because I really want to be able to move up in a career.

Another thing I found out is that somehow the firm administrator has decided that the office clerk and I are salaried and exempt. In other words she won't pay overtime. She says that "it all works out in the end" because if I have to go to the doctor or something she won't deduct it from my pay so it's a wash.

Except that I'm not as dumb as I may appear and the way I'm looking at it I don't think it ever comes out even for me. First of all my start time is 8:15 a.m. but she wants me there to sign in, turn on lights, check voicemail, turn on the computer, start coffee, and switch the phones off night service and I have to do all of that before my start time so that I can be at my desk ready to answer my phone by 8:15. Basically I need to be there ten minutes early every day. Then there's the fact that I have to be back from lunch by 2 p.m. every day. That sounds easy except that my lunch depends on someone being there to cover my desk so that I can leave. I'm supposed to get an hour but if my desk isn't covered until 1:15 p.m. then I have to shorten my lunch or risk getting in trouble for not being back by 2.

Basically on a daily basis I work an extra 20 minutes. That's just the regular stuff, never mind that there are special circumstances that she wants me to come in almost an hour early to prepare for depositions that get put on calendar for a time before the office is even open. I realize that the regular twenty minutes a day over eight hours isn't much, and I wouldn't really care except that she keeps telling me it will "all balance out" and that I'm "salary" - which in her vocabulary means exempt from overtime. By my calculations just at straight time (not time and a half which it should be since it's over 40 hours per week) I will work an extra 6 hours and 40 minutes a month. Over the course of a year that's easily ten extra days of work. I'm absolutely certain she's not planning on giving me an extra two weeks of vacation (or sick time) every year to compensate.

But alas, I cannot complain. At least not to anyone who can do anything about it... seeing as complaining to the powers that be could cost me the job altogether.

In my middle of the night stupor... I forgot

2008-09-15T01:49:00.000-07:00

To mention that the sick one was Sophia. That was her coughing, puking and dancing in the shower at 3 in the morning. She slept better the next night though I don't know how she'll do tonight because she is at her dad's house. Anyway, I figured I'd enlighten those of you who read that post and thought... HUH?! All 4 of you :)

A few pics of the house - under construction

2008-09-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

I took these two pictures with my camera phone on my birthday on Monday and even by Friday there was more done but these are pretty amazing to me!

I took this one standing where the garage connects to my parents bathroom/closet area at the end of the house... at the opposite end (at the far end of that runway of flooring) is my bedroom... :) In between there will be my parents bedroom, living room, kitchen, the laundry room and a bathroom, my kitchen and great room, the guest room, Isaiah's room, the GIANT sized girls room, and then my room. I guess in the picture it doesn't look that big but... it's HUGE!

This picture was taken from what will be my living room, right in front of what will be my fireplace, looking towards the three car garage - even more of the garage is framed now!

up all night.

2008-09-13T03:06:00.000-07:00

Cough medicine, she's still coughing. Inhaler, she's STILL coughing. A little puking from coughing... some more puking from coughing... warm shower, she's still coughing... but at least she stopped puking. She's dancing in the shower. It's 3:08 am.

My Pre Birthday

2008-09-09T21:22:00.001-07:00

So I did the whole quickie run down on my actual birthday but I celebrated all day on Sunday too. I went to Brian's in the morning. He made me breakfast - an omelette and toast and some yummy iced coffee. I've never made myself iced coffee before, actually the only person who has ever made me iced coffee was an employee at Starbucks, until now, so that was cool! Then we watched a movie, hung out and relaxed. Then for dinner he took me to Logan's Roadhouse, mmmm sweet tea, salted peanuts (shells go on the floor :D), fresh baked bread and tons of butter, steak, smothered mashed potatoes, veggies... and then me hiding behind him while they made a ton of noise for my birthday and delivered ice cream for the occasion. I never realized how horrifying that can be, but it was fun.
Then we headed over to Victoria Gardens. We wandered through Borders looking at books, magazines, movies, calendars (Some of them with very interesting daily phrases! For example, at a price of around ten bucks you can have a calendar with quotes like "Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"), and well, a little bit of everything. After Borders we wandered Victoria Gardens and talked. Then we stopped a Cheesecake factory for a slice to go.
For my birthday Brian bought me a new lunch box. Now, this might seem a little funny to most of you but, he knows that I've been "borrowing" Ella's lunch bag from her backpack set to take my lunch to work every day because I didn't have my own lunch box. Not only did he get me something totally useful but it's super cute too. In fact it's so cute that it was the talk of the office yesterday. People were all asking aroung to find out who's cool lunch box was in the fridge. I'd post pictures but... I'm feeling lazy so I'll do it another time. I can stop borrowing Ella's now that I have my own. He also got me Les Miserables the movie and some super cute pens.
After our Victoria Gardens excursion we watched Les Mis and ate cheesecake, yummy! It was the perfect birthday before my birthday!

My Birthday Run Down:

2008-09-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

Woke up early for work.
Not enough sleep because I stayed up late watching Les Miserables with Brian for my birthday the night before.
Get ready and leave for work.
My car seatbelt (which is one of those old school automatic ones) is broken - fortunately it's in the seatbelt "on" position, but the motor decides to run the entire time I'm driving today.
I stop for gas.
I realize my atm card is missing.
I have lost my atm card for the first time in my entire life. UGH!
Drive to work on "E" trying to figure out how I'm going to score access to my money so I can get home.
Realize that I'm pretty sure Taco Bell has my atm card.
Call Taco Bell about 20 times.
My drive to work takes me an extra ten minutes so I get to work two minutes late.
Get a very cool card on my desk at work signed by everyone I work with, and my little buddy Evan who left the firm a week ago.
Get thru to Taco Bell and locate my atm card, SIGH of relief!
Go to the trailer at the property to see my kids.
The garage is framed - holy cow this is cool!!!
They give me the coolest gifts ever!
A bracelet they picked out.
A Burts Bees lip stick.
A new nail polish color (I'm obsessed with polish)
And the BEST thing of all - a scrapbook they all put together of their trip to Riley's Farm with The Grove homeschool group. I missed it on account of my working mom status and that had been a rough day so this was a really awesome gift! I almost cried.
Then we went to dinner at Portillos - never been there before - it was good and very cool. Fast food, but not really fast food.
Cupcakes for birthday cake.
Dad screws my seatbelt down so the stupid motor will stop running - this might actually be the best thing he could have given me for my birthday - a little sanity!
Drove towards home.
Drove thru Taco Bell and picked up my atm card.
Got home with four sleeping kids.
Ahhhh.
I'm 32.

oooh, ooooh, guess what?

2008-09-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

The tooth fairy remembered to come! See, what had happened was... just kidding. I fell asleep at probably 9:15 the night she lost her tooth out of sheer exhaustion! I couldn't keep my eyes open a second longer. Lucky for me Brian gets out of class at ten and he routinely calls me then to chat. It's a good time for me to talk usually because I have a house full of sleeping kids and it's quiet. I'm almost never asleep at ten. When he called it woke me up and I realized it was a good thing he did because I had forgotten to... um... show the tooth fairy where Abby sleeps. Anyway that got handled and the only problem I faced after that was the wake up call at around 3 am. Abby had found her loot - $3. She promptly brought it to my room, proclaiming her good fortune, and climbed into bed with me. Then she woke up screaming every 20 minutes for the rest of the night because her "money was LOST!!!!!" I got no sleep. I hate the tooth fairy.

Abby lost her first tooth!

2008-09-04T20:23:00.001-07:00

Sorry she looks bug eye-d but she was SUPER excited about that tooth being gone finally! It has caused her nagging pain for days at least. Tonight she says "Mom, will you pull my tooth?" So I said "Sure!" Well, in my experience that request is followed swiftly by a "No, don't do it, it's gonna hurt." Complete with a locked jaw. Not Abby! She opened right up and it came out with basically no effort at all. Yeah Abby!

As a side note the tooth fairy has a terrible time remembering to arrive at our house on lost tooth nights. She usually makes it within a day or two. She is far worse since there has only been one parent in this house. I can't for the life of me figure out why.

What's a tooth fairy to do when a tooth comes out right at bedtime and there is no time to run to the store for cash? Luckily, I have a small stash in my purse she can borrow - that is IF she remembers to stop here tonight!

How's this for stupid?

2008-09-03T18:37:00.001-07:00

I'm driving home, my car full of kids because, well, I have a lot of them but anyway... So I turn on the residential street that I take into my neighborhood and there is a car in front of me. He slows way down and pulls to the right, as if to park, so I continue on past him. Then he makes a hard left right in front of me and tries to make a u-turn. No blinker. No brain? I don't know but I slam on my breaks, he pulls into a driveway, and I miss hitting him by MAYBE an inch! Then he looks at me like "what the H&!!'S your problem lady?!?!?!" Um, my problem, dear sir, is that YOU are an IDIOT! I back up and make sure I didn't actually hit him because the thud my car made when it came to that sudden stop left me slightly unsure. Not to mention the fact that from where I sat it sure LOOKED like I was in contact with his car - though my head told me that if I had in fact made contact the impact would have been at least a little more jarring. I back up, pull around and continue on my way, in my rearview mirror I see him pull up to the curb and park in the location he must have been aiming for when he made the moronic u-turn in front of me. I drove home shaking and answering the kids questions about why he/I did that etc.
So, how's that for stupid?

Funeral boycott

2008-08-31T18:01:00.000-07:00

Obviously my "opt out" form idea didn't work since I never did locate the necessary paperwork so now I have a new plan. If you want me to come to your funeral you better not die any time soon. I can't keep tragedy from happening but whether or not I go to a funeral is something I can control. So I think I'm boycotting the next funeral that comes up. That said if the food is gonna be good I might still come to the after party.
Oh, and if somehow it's mine - I'm still not going! You all better throw a big party, eat some good food, and have a few drinks. While you're at it maybe you could ditch your filter and say things that will make my brother have to "go to the bathroom" or something out of embarrassment. I don't know but I do know that I'm done with funerals for a while.

These are strange feelings...

2008-08-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

My father in law of 12 years, Alfred Soto Gonzales Jr., died today. The announcement came with a text from my ex at 6:04 this evening that said "He is all better." I knew that must mean he was gone but somehow I felt compelled to text back and ask the question anyway.
It is an interesting loss for me. I was not particularly close to the man who's life was punctuated by drug use and abuse of his family for the vast majority of the time I knew him. He was, in spite of those negative qualities, an amazingly talented man. He could play the harmonica insanely well. It was not an instrument I ever would have thought to appreciate so much before I heard him play. I'll never hear a harmonica again with out thinking of him... well him and Grandpa Bob Guier. To be fair he could also be incredibly sweet. He rarely called me by my name, most often he called me "baby."
Life changed for Al when he chose to follow Christ several years ago. His life changed drastically. His face had a softness I hadn't ever seen in him before. It wasn't a change that was permanent and easy. He struggled, and failed, but in the end he claimed faith in Christ.
The last conversation I had with him was just before Father's Day in June of this year. Prior to that I hadn't spoken with him since the night Drew and I split and on that night he was spewing hatred and venom at me. In our last conversation though, he told me he was sorry, and that he loved me. I told him I loved him too.
I made plans to go visit him last week but he didn't want visitors in the hospital, so I told the family to let him know that I'd come see him when he was home. I didn't get the chance.
This loss is not as hard for me personally as the loss of Karissa, not even close. It is breaking my heart though to know that, in the morning when their dad tells them, my kids hearts will break one more time. They are going to grow up to be the most resilient people on the planet for all the heartbreak they have endured in the last few years. I think my kids are my heroes.

What happens when I leave my computer in my parents car... a horror story!

2008-08-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

I quit watching TV almost completely. It's been forever since I watched television at all, much less on any sort of regular basis. Now, don't think I'm amazing or anything, I basically just replaced the TV with my laptop. So imagine my absolute dismay when I realized that I had left my beloved laptop in the trunk of my parents car last night!
The problem is that I trade cars with my mom every morning at work so she has the van with the kids. I decided to bring my computer because I can hang out online when I eat lunch alone at Panera, which I planned on doing yesterday. Well, not only did I not eat lunch alone at Panera, which then meant that bringing my computer to begin with was a wasted effort, but then I forgot to get it when we switched cars back at the end of the day. ARGH!
In my boredom I gave myself a pedicure last night. Then I did the unthinkable... I turned on the TV! I watched two of the US divers take a leap off an insanely tall platform and flipped through the channels a few times before I was tired of it and turned it back off.
Tonight we went to dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory or as Sophia calls it the Owd Skabetti Factowee. That place is beautiful! We (I say in the "corporate" sense, since the "we" who paid was named Dad) paid for two adult meals and got four kids dinners free because we brought in a list of 5 books that each of the kids had read. My dad laughed that it cost less to eat there than it would have to buy us all In N Out. I'm stuffed and I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.
Oh, and one more bit of good news - this oh so exciting post was brought to you via my laptop - which I remembered to bring home today!

Just a couple more

2008-08-14T20:03:00.001-07:00

This is Brian again on that tree... do you see how big it is?

This ant - which if you can't tell is GIANT - and his other Goliath like pals did this:

to the tree... Yeah, I stayed with the rodent sized ants... and I thought I was playing it "safe!"

I promised pictures

2008-08-14T19:49:00.001-07:00

This is where I start the hike... and yes I use it.

The view on the way up...

This used to be a HUGE waterfall. The first few times we hiked here there was a giant bank of snow extending from just left of the waterfall in this picture. It has melted and the volume of water is less the farther we get from winter but I know it will be full again next year!

Believe it or not this is the view from right next to those porta potties!

If a tree falls in the mountain... Brian is standing on a tree that has fallen across a stream. He walked across it... I took pictures and stayed on solid ground! I would say I stayed where it was "safe" but I'll post a picture in another blog that could prove otherwise!

I'm feeling a little bit of a blog drought

2008-08-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to come up with any exciting or, to be really honest, even vaguely interesting blog topics lately. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm not with my kids as much and therefore have way less opportunity for funny stuff to happen.
Some random stuff:
I went out to the property last night. Had dinner in the trailer with the fam... 4 kids, mom, dad and me at a table smaller than a standard four seater restaurant booth. Good times! Pretty exciting progress is being made on the house. The walls have been framed to the floor level and dad said we might have some of the floor done in the next week. Not like actual inside residential flooring but what I think is called "sub" floor. Then the walls of the house will start to be framed!
Another thing, a while back I went on a hike. I took a bunch of pictures... I don't know if any of them are good but I'm uploading them as I type this and I'll post a few like I said I would forever ago.
Lately I'm tired a lot and can't figure out how I'm supposed to balance this whole full time working mom gig. For the moment my normally messy house has become my downright filthy house. Too bad I don't make enough to hire someone to clean it...

I think I know how this thing works...

2008-08-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

I got caught in a swirl of drama at work because... something dreadful happened... the postage meter ran out - or at least ran low enough that we couldn't finish processing the mail. This really is a pretty major problem. It's also one that the person in my position is supposed to have prevented. Never mind that the prevention should have started about the day I did and I wasn't really up on all the requirements of the job on that day. Anyhow, I managed to figure it out and correct course before the world exploded... which is to say I made a phone call and got the nice folks who make our meter to tell me how to load money onto it.
I think though I learned another, probably even more important, lesson. In my job, the MOST critical task I face is to anticipate EVERY problem and avert the crisis BEFORE the office administrator is aware it existed. In short... I'm going to learn to read minds and run interference. Did you know how much I love that kind of thing?
On the personal side of things the people I work with are all very nice. I think my favorite part of the job so far though is that I've been told at least twenty times that I have an amazing phone voice and perfect diction. Yeah me!!! Wait, that's not my favorite part of the job, I lied. If I'm being completely honest I'd probably admit that my favorite part of the job is be the real life paycheck - as opposed to that thing I used to get from the diner that was masquerading as a paycheck.
I paid off two debts on Thursday night. I'm on a mission. I'm getting OUT of debt!

Time flies...

2008-08-05T18:32:00.001-07:00

Even when not having fun. I can't believe it's been four weeks today. I woke up pissed off. I went to work and fought tears all day.
My dad has been working on our house... well he has been, but now I'm thinking we've just hit another snag. Last night my parents got a call that their house on the mountain (which is their primary residence) had been flooded with water from a broken pipe for about a week. They haven't been home in that time because my dad has been working so hard at trying to get things moving at our property, so they've been staying down there in the trailer.
The house is old. The floors are all wood. Well, now they're all buckled, waterlogged wood. Just another project for my dad to work on, with all the time he doesn't have.
You know what's funny? For a lot of people their house flooding, tools and workshop being destroyed, and a ton of other damage, would be considered a big deal. In my family... it doesn't even make the list of the top ten worst things that have happened in the last two years.
Someone spoke to me today the time tested words of wisdom "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." You know what I think? I think I'd like God to stop trusting my family so darned much! I'd love for us all to have a year of the easy life... Anyone know where God keeps the sign up forms for winning the lottery? At very least I think we should get to opt out on the next round of crap.

I'm EXHAUSTED!

2008-08-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

My night owl tendencies do not mix well with a 6:15 a.m. wake up call. I've even been going to bed "early." Well, at least earlier. I haven't made it to midnight all week. To be honest though I really need about two more hours a night than I'm getting. I'm trying to get to bed early, I really am, but it's tough to switch from working till 11:30 p.m. one week to working at the crack of dawn the next. I'm sure it'll all even out soon enough.
Then there is the matter of my kids. They are beyond tired but they miss me. They refuse to go to sleep. They've been in bed for a good hour and a half and the younger two are tired to the point of uncontrollable crying and yet... they are awake.
I'm not a nice mommy tonight. I want a quiet house. I want to go to sleep. I haven't gotten anything done that I want and need to get done. In all likelihood I'll probably fall asleep while on the phone trying to have a conversation with Brian once the kids crash.
Oh, that and the dog won't stop barking!
On a positive note... I LOVE my new job. I enjoy the people and I'm really looking forward to learning everything that they need me to know. There have been several comments about how happy they are to have me. Specifically it has been mentioned that people have made a point of telling my boss know what a good job I'm doing. To tell you the truth that feels really nice!
Once I get this internal clock thing worked out, and the kids are acclimated to this new life, it will all be a lot smoother!

What is it with earthquakes?

2008-07-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

I think they know when I start a new job. There was an earthquake on my first day of work in an office when I got my first "real" job. Yesterday there was an earthquake on my second day of my first "real" job in 7 years. I think I'm never going to start a new job again or I'll have to skip the third day of work just to be safe! Actually what I think might be even more odd than the fact that there's the connection to starting a new job (I mean geez I knew this was earth shattering news but come on!!!) is the fact that I had just talked about earthquakes with Brian the night before. I asked him if he had ever been on the phone with someone who was about 20 minutes away during an earthquake. He hadn't but I have - and it's interesting. If you hear someone else go through it and know it's coming it sort of takes the edge off of it. At least it does for me. I wasn't on the phone when it happened but it just struck me as odd that probably 12 hours later we had one.
Anyway - I'm off to work... no aftershocks today please! I'm on the second floor - talk about feeling the earth move.

Day One...

2008-07-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

Of my new REAL job - I'm LOVING life!!! I'm looking forward to mastering the basics so that I can start learning more than they require of me. I found out that they will pay for me to go to school if I want to take courses that relate to the job. Oh, and not just for the classes but the books too!
There are a lot of little details to learn. For instance, one person does not get voicemail - ever! So I have to remember to take written messages for them. Several others get all their calls screened but others I can just transfer directly. There is some very specific language they want me to use that isn't necessarily first nature but I'll get that down soon I'm sure. That kind of thing I had to do at the diner so it's really not any different here - just a different script.
I learned how to process the mail, and log medical records... there is a lot involved with that but it will be second nature in about a half a second - I got it all done myself today (while they trained me) even though it was my first day. I know there is a lot more to learn but I'm not worried about it at all now... just super excited!

Drumroll Please....

2008-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my last night at Richie's Diner, because I got a JOB yesterday! I was hired as a receptionist for a law firm. I am incredibly excited to get started on Monday. It seems, from my understanding of the position, that there will be enough variety to keep things very interesting. The position requires significantly more than just answering phones which is GREAT! I am full of nervous excitement to start learning the job. The newness of soaking in tons of information and then putting it into use will be good for me. I haven't had an opportunity to challenge my brain in a while. Making 8 shakes at the same time might be the epitome of multitasking but it was definitely not challenging my mind. Now I can start exercising my brain instead of my ice-cream scooping right arm - you should see the crazy muscle I have from that!

Fun Stuff...

2008-07-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

The kids went to their dad's last night because he hadn't really seen them much over the weekend. He had some time off work and asked if he could take them last night. So they went. I got a call around 8:45 from Ella buzzing with excitement. They had gone to their dad's church for VBS. (I'm guessing that means some churches do VBS in the evening?) She had so much fun. She was begging to go back again, and could they please stay at dad's an extra night. She asks me what I'm doing. I tell her I went to church. She asks about ten times who I'm with and if I'm ok because she's worried that I'm lonely. I tell her I'm fine, and with friends (never mind that little 's' on the end because at that precise moment I was just with Brian - but we'd been with friends at church) and she starts asking who, what, when, why, where, etc. I think she's missed the "you're the kid memo" so I tell her that I'm ok, I'm having fun and she doesn't need to worry about me. All the while skillfully avoiding answering the "WHO" question. Then she puts her dad on the phone. He says he's off work on Thursday and asks if the kids can stay. I can't really think of a reason to say no so I say ok.
So as it turns out I am on my own today. I have to exchange a bathing suit that I bought for Abby that was too small. Then I think I'm going to steal Brian and go for a hike. I'm going to try to remember to bring my actual camera - as opposed to being stuck with my crappy camera phone. If I remember, and if I get any decent pictures I'll post them.

This has really got to stop...

2008-07-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I cried last night. Yeah I know crying is ok... even good... at times like this. Unfortunately my body doesn't exactly agree. I'm not sure if it's possible to be allergic to ones own tears but when I cry, especially at night, I wake up with eyelids that are a half an inch thick. That might sound like an exaggeration and well it might be a slight one but honestly I look like I have a disease. I took a picture (with my crappy camera phone) about two hours after I woke up - and after ice packs and eye drops by the gallon. The swelling had started to go down but they were still really swollen. I don't think the picture does justice to how gross my eye really looked but I'll post it anyway... thats as far as I could open my eye and even opening it that far was painful. Oh, and that's the good eye... I couldn't keep the other one open long enough to take a picture! Cute huh?

Beach day...

2008-07-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

We do it once a year whether we need it or not. Actually our friends have a birthday party for their daughter at the beach every year. We always go and it is usually the only beach trip we make in a year. I hate sand and I don't like cold salty water. Then there's the overprotective mom side of me... and in my mind the ocean plus four kids is a frightening combination. I always enjoy this trip though. Good food and good friends makes for a great day. Up until last year our arrival at the beach was accompanied by the "we're not staying very long" speech because the former hated going... well... pretty much anywhere. Last year I went as a single mom for the first time but I left the little one with my parents because the idea of me on my own watching four kids was too much. This year I couldn't really count on having my parents watch Sophia - plus I knew she was old enough to really enjoy the time with her friends so I decided we would all go. Then I started thinking that it would be nice to have an extra set of eyes. So I asked Brian to come.
It was cool because he got to meet a bunch of my friends. It was nice too that I didn't have to worry quite so much about the fact that I couldn't be at the fire pit and on the water at the same time.
We all had a blast! It was 9:30p.m. before we left the beach, bundled in sandy towels and carrying a sleeping Sophia. It was tons of fun!

When you ask "how are you?" do you want the truth?

2008-07-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

It's an interesting thing that I think most of us do... we ask "how are you?" as if it is a form of "hello." The downside of that is the fact that, when life is crap for the person to whom you pose the question, it leaves the person asked in a bit of a quandary. Do you want the truth? If so, I can't even type the answer here - because I don't know who's reading this - but it would be a string of four letter words for sure. On the other hand I could give the standard response "fine" but that's a lie... of insane proportions.
I keep wondering when I'll feel like life is "fine" again... how long does it take to get from hell back to somewhere that even vaguely resembles fine?
Then there's this... I think there's a part of me that's afraid to ever be fine again.... because in my experience "fine" doesn't seem to last very long. I'm tempted to list the crap that we've been through as a family in the last few years but I won't because, to be honest, even the most horrific things we've been through up to this point seem like a party compared to the horror of missing Karissa.

sometimes music helps... sometimes it just makes me cry... you pick

2008-07-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

One More Day

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

By: Diamond Rio

how?

2008-07-09T07:04:00.001-07:00

does a parent live through the loss of a child? My sister in law Adrianne and brother Mark have long been my parenting heroes. They tirelessly cared for their beautiful special needs daughter Karissa through countless seizures, insane meal requirements, not to mention the energy of at least four of my kids. They are the perfect parents for her. They never rested from their efforts to give her the best chance at a healthy full life.
Yesterday, after only 3 short years with us, Karissa went to be with Jesus. I can't describe the pain I feel. I can't express how sad my kids were when I told them that their cousin had died. Most of all I can't even begin to wrap my brain around the pain Mark and Adrianne are feeling and the Grand Canyon sized hole that has been left in their hearts.
I think, in the case of our family, if we didn't have a HOPE then we would never be able to get through this pain. We cling to the thoughts of Karissa in heaven, seizure free, running without falling, and perfectly able to express everything she could not express to us in her earthly body... all of that, and doing "tickle arms" with Jesus.

Family night... is this better?

2008-07-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm working on creating a slightly more impressive "family night." So instead of a drive thru Taco Bell and Mary Poppins... We did Pizza. The kids have been BEGGING to stay up late to watch the newest episode of "Clean House: The Messiest Home in America." So I figured, what's a movie (or a much anticipated TV show) without popcorn? I picked up popcorn and then had a great idea! S'mores! Now I pretty much think that s'mores are the greatest delicacy of summer. Never mind that the best way to make them is to roast the marshmallows over an open fire pit at the beach. I settled for roasting them over an open flame on my range top. In any event they were a hit. Now we're waiting on our show to start and probably some popcorn too. Only downside as I can see it is that I think the kids are taking this clean house thing as a challenge to make ours the messiest home in America.

I'm an expo

2008-06-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

for real now... or as real as it can be I guess. They moved my name from the host list to the expo list for the schedule. I have 4 expo days this week and only one hosting day. This is good news because I get "tipped out" on my expo days. I don't make much in tips. I think on my best day I made $25 and on my worst day I made about $9 but it's still better than nothing. I would say that it's at least gas money but these days I'm probably lucky if $9 in gas gets me out of the parking lot.
I am however still looking for a job. A "real" job as I like to call it. I know it's out there somewhere... and I'll find it when the timing is right!
(Just an FYI in case you don't know "expo" is short for "expeditor." An expeditor is someone who pulls the prepared dishes from the kitchen, checks them for accuracy, assembles the entire order for a table, and delivers it to the table... we are basically servers who just don't take the order. Oh, and I make shakes, sundaes and banana splits too)

Sad but true

2008-06-23T13:01:00.000-07:00

My son must be unbearably bored because I looked over just now to see him delicately arranging my daughter's blond dress up wig onto his... "best friend" the blue balloon... See for yourself...

What might be more disturbing is how proud he seems of the accomplishment... we need a playdate!

According to Abby

2008-06-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

The birthday party I threw the older two girls yesterday (a full two and three months after their actual birthdays) was "the best party ever."
To try and make it seem slightly less ridiculous that it took so long to have a party for them I should mention that I tried to do it earlier but the place they wanted to go was booked for two months ahead... I knew the party was going to come after their birthdays to begin with but this scheduling issue made it downright silly.
When Ella was turning 5 I was so excited because I had decided that for each of my three girls fifth birthday's I was going to take them to tea. For Ella we did that - in formal dresses and tiara's and everything. It was so much fun and so girly. When I started planning this tradition Ella was about to turn four and Abby was not yet two. At that point the fullness of Abby's personality had not yet surfaced. When Abby was about to turn four I started talking to her about how "next year" she was going to get to have her 5 year old tea party. (not five year old tea... but a party for a five year old... you got that, right?!) Well she immediately scrunches up her face and says "I don't want a tea party! I'm gonna have a gymnastics party." Her only experience with gymnastics was a party we had been to about a year earlier. Well, that and the fact that she tumbles, literally, through her entire day - every day. A patch of grass is an invitation to tumble... well, then again, so is a patch of carpet... or any other soft enough surface.
I gave up my dream of a tea party tradition, clinging to the hope that Sophia will let me throw her a tea party when she turns five, and started planning for a gymnastics party.
Ella basically had to go along for the ride... she had fun too even if her natural tendency is tea parties and not gymnastics.

Life Lessons?

2008-06-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

Gotta love when one of the kids asks "hey mom, when was the last time 'we' did laundry? 'Cuz I don't have any socks!" Well... yeah it's time I know... I need to get some laundry done. Which makes me wonder if it isn't time to start teaching the kids to do laundry soon. What age is the right age to teach a kid to do laundry? I think I started doing at least some of my own laundry by about the fifth grade. I did most of it in junior high and by high school my mom wasn't touching my laundry except to make fun of the "hair scrunchies" that I called underwear. School is out for summer - maybe it's time for some life lessons?!

Isaiah and the Lakers

2008-06-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

I let the kids stay up late tonight to watch the Laker game...or the Celtics game as it turns out. Anyway - poor Isaiah was so distressed about how far behind we were getting that he made me turn off the game. We finally turned it back on about half time. It wasn't good. He sat at the table writing down the score every time it changed and lamenting our misfortune. When the game ended and we lost... big... he was pacing the living room and getting emotional because it was "so sad for the Lakers" to have lost.
Funny to watch a 9 year old who loves basketball get to watch a game and be that intense about it. He hadn't gotten to watch any of the other games in the finals because he was either with his dad or I was working so this is the only one he got to see... and we lost. I guess it was a good lesson though. I actually found myself saying the words "sometimes it's ok to not win, you just have to always do your best."

I don't get a lot of traffic here...

2008-06-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

and that's ok with me. Something funny happened on Friday the 13th though! I usually get somewhere between 15 and 30 readers a day... not too shabby for someone who just writes for the sake of it and not to be read by the world. Friday, however, I had 152 readers. So of course I'm thinking "what the heck?!" Then I remembered I had posted the "family night" blog on the 12th. I also posted a comment on WhittakerWoman's blog with the link back to my post because those were her instructions... Well, she has a gagillion readers and I guess I got a few to visit my way.

I just turned in...

2008-06-13T13:59:00.001-07:00

The last work samples of the school year for my two older kids homeschooling. YEAH! It's officially summer in the Gonzo's house! I have been so ready for the school year to end. I can't even tell you how glad I am that I don't have to teach another school subject for a few months... the life lessons I get to teach are enough for a bit.

If you found out...

2008-06-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

That your dad had terminal cancer would you call and talk to him? Perhaps even go visit if he lived say a half hour away? Yeah, that's kinda what I thought... just checking. It's amazing how I get these random (and often terribly sad) reminders of how disturbingly detached my former was/is. Wow.
I talked to my former father in law yesterday for the first time since the day my ex and I split. The last time I heard his voice he was threatening to kill me if his son hurt himself because I "left" him. Needless to say I was a little nervous to make the call. I'm glad I did. We had a short sweet conversation right before the doctors came to take him to CT.
Today my parents stopped by the hospital where he is currently going stir crazy in Hollywood. They had a great visit with him. He talked about his church - which he has apparently started going to again in the last year. He also told them how sad he was that he hadn't heard from his son.
I called him again tonight. He said he's still waiting to find out the plan of attack... actually he said he's waiting for the doctors to finish "jibber-jabbering" and tell him what's next. He is sick and tired of being cooped up in a hospital room with nothing to do.
I told him I'd come see him as soon as he was home since I can't take the kids in to the hospital anyway - not to mention that driving to Hollywood with four kids sounds like a nightmare of it's own.
If you think of it I know he and the family would appreciate your prayers!

"Family Night"

2008-06-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Well since I love to read WhittakerWoman's blog and she asked... I'll answer... even if my answer SUCKS, because it does! Royally!
So tonight was "family night" in my house. The start of my problem is most likely the fact that it occurred by default because I happen not to be working tonight so it's just me and the kids. Then there's the fact that "family night" consisted of a trip to Target so the kids could buy a father's day gift for their dad, my ex. Followed by the lovely bonding experience that is the Taco Bell drive thru... and finally Mary Poppins on dvd.
Yep, I'm a rockstar... you can tell me, because I already know.

I got to test for two positions today...

2008-06-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

The first one was a series of data entry, math and reading comprehension. The second was a basic typing test that I've taken there before - but it was more than 6 months ago so that score didn't count. I was feeling pretty harried because my morning didn't go smoothly but I got there and took the test. After I finished the first test I go to the proctor and she says, basically, "Thanks, if you passed you'll be on the eligibility list. If you didn't, you won't." Wow, ok thanks... Maybe I'm entirely too results oriented but I really wanted to know if I succeeded or failed! Then it was on to the next test. I felt pretty confident about a typing test until I realized how distracted I was by the lack of information on the previous test. By the time I finished the typing test I was fairly convinced that I had failed it. I needed 40 wpm to pass. I know I have typed as well as about 55 wpm on previous tests... today... 47 wpm. Not too bad I guess. At least I know I'm on the eligibility list for that job.

Murphy's Law...

2008-06-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

I have a test for a job in 45 minutes. I wanted to get online to type so that I would be prepared for the typing portion... sleeping hands don't type fast. Of course that means that my internet connection wouldn't work. I restarted the modem... did all the stuff I normally do when it fritzes... but none of that helped. You know when my connection started working? When my ex rang the doorbell to pick up the kids. Like EXACTLY when the doorbell rang. So anyway, next time I know that when my internet connection is bad I don't need to restart my modem. I'll just run out front and ring my doorbell.

Between 2 p.m. yesterday and 5 p.m. today

2008-06-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

I spent 15 hours at work... What are the consequence of working that many hours in the Diner? Well, how 'bout this... I have the words of The Shoop Shoop Song looping in my brain and it's driving me insane!

"Does he love me I wanna know
How can I tell if he loves me so
Is it in his eyes?
Oh no you'll be deceived
Is it in his eyes?
Oh no he'll make believe
If you wanna know if he loves you so
It's in his kiss
That's where it is"

Is there a cure for this? Or maybe I just infected you too? ha ha!

So it seems...

2008-06-10T13:53:00.000-07:00

People graduating is good for the restaurant business... I got called in early today, and they added me for tomorrow. Good for a little extra money!
Also my former father in law is very sick. He is not eligible for a transplant. The doctors are starting chemo today. I should know more in the next couple of days... but it's not looking good.