Sunday night I had a really good night at work. I handled several "in progress" calls and everything went smoothly. Pretty much for the first time since the beginning of this process I thought I might be ready to answer calls on my own. Even still I had come to a calm within myself about my future in this job. I was doing the best I could on every call, every day. I knew that I was supposed to be in the job for as long as I was there. It had become pretty clear that the determination of how long I lasted was not entirely dependent upon my personal progress. In fact I had a conversation with a coworker Sunday night and said "I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, because I'm here. If my time here ends tomorrow, in ten years, or the day I retire I'm ok with that." Ironically enough I came in Monday, sat thru briefing, and was escorted to the office of the Captain. I immediately knew what was coming. I was told that it was a "probationary termination - no cause needed or given." What I then found out is that 3 other trainees had been terminated in the same manner earlier in the day. Best I can guess we were, at least on some level, a byproduct of the budget issues.
I'm SO thankful that I was able to keep it together in front of the Captian with the exception of my trembling hand as I signed my paper work. Then I went and had a moment with my favorite supervisor while we went thru the rest of my final paperwork. I drove back to the property to change and pick up my other uniform to turn in. I told my parents and kids. Then I went back and turned in all my gear.
As I drove home I realized I'm kinda relieved. I mean obviously I need to find a way to support the kids and myself but I also get to pack and move without the stress of working a full time job. Getting canned is no fun but I'm content that if I was supposed to be in that job today I'd be there. So, whatever is next will come when it's supposed to.
I'm contemplating the possibility of going back to school, though I'm not sure what I'd do if I went. In the meantime, I'm officially a stay at home mom again.