Saturday, July 12, 2008

When you ask "how are you?" do you want the truth?

It's an interesting thing that I think most of us do... we ask "how are you?" as if it is a form of "hello." The downside of that is the fact that, when life is crap for the person to whom you pose the question, it leaves the person asked in a bit of a quandary. Do you want the truth? If so, I can't even type the answer here - because I don't know who's reading this - but it would be a string of four letter words for sure. On the other hand I could give the standard response "fine" but that's a lie... of insane proportions.
I keep wondering when I'll feel like life is "fine" again... how long does it take to get from hell back to somewhere that even vaguely resembles fine?
Then there's this... I think there's a part of me that's afraid to ever be fine again.... because in my experience "fine" doesn't seem to last very long. I'm tempted to list the crap that we've been through as a family in the last few years but I won't because, to be honest, even the most horrific things we've been through up to this point seem like a party compared to the horror of missing Karissa.


MamaSue said...

A few years ago, when I would meet new people and they asked me how many grandchildren I had, I would say I had 4: 2 in Riverside and 2 in heaven. That was the truth, and although I had "dealt" with the deaths of Baylee and Kirkland, it really made the new person uncomfortable. A few years ago I had a talk with Baylee's memory, during which I told her that I would never forget her or stop being her Grammie, but that I couldn't justify causing this discomfort. So now, when people ask, I say I have two grandsons in Riverside. In my mind and heart I'm celebrating my two granddaughters in Heaven.

It's like saying "fine". It's knee-jerk, sure, and it's rarely the truth. But it's a way of protecting the person who asked. The people who really know you, and who really MEAN it when they ask -- those are the ones you can and should tell the truth. Because they are the ones who want to lift your arms and help carry your burdens. Those are your Garden Friends.

That said, overall, with the promise of Heaven and the reunion we will all have with our healthy, happy loved ones . . . with that in mind, everything really is FINE!

Wobbly Librarian said...

Sue knows.

And did you count how many letters are in fine? F-I-N-E. 4.
One time when I was walking in a Garden time, and said I was FINE to someone (in a certain tone, as though to swear) I realized that I might as well have used a four letter word, for all the way my heart was going. Kinda made me feel like I had an inside joke. Then I felt mean and ashamed- people cared, they just couldn't fathom.
Just like I didn't know what to say to you at the Jana Alayra concert. Words can't do it. Hugs can't, either.
You'll see her again, but that doesn't make you feel better right now. Sorry. Sorry all over the place because I care. So do others.