I feel like there is this tremendous amount of pressure on me to prevent any emotional upheaval or hint of imperfection from touching the lives of my kids. I think it is so totally unrealistic. I am stuck with what I have and am doing the best I can with it. In my opinion the best I can do for my kids is love them and nurture them while they are with me and make transitions as smooth as possible.
They are going to battle sadness and anger and potentially someday the urge to go live with daddy because the grass is always greener. They will never get "over" the fact that their parents aren't together. I'm not ever going to be able to fix that for them. I have come to terms with that. I am not trying to fix it for them.
The fact is that the court doesn't care that their dad lives with his girlfriend. They don't care that I think he is irresponsible for letting them see movies that are not appropriate. If I make everything a fight it will get ugly. The courts would send us to parenting classes, at our expense, that we cannot afford. There will be legal fees that neither of us can truly afford to pay.
The cost to the kids of living in a constant discord is, in my opinion, far greater than the price of a scary movie and the fact that bad attitudes are allowed at daddy's house. So I choose to make peace whenever possible, to focus on the positives and help the kids work through stuff that comes up for THEM. I will not make my frustrations with their dad a part of their lives. It isn't going to fix anything.
I actually don't spend much time frustrated with him at this point. I have kind of a "it is what it is" attitude about him and his behaviors. Unfortunately this isn't the case for everyone. Other people having opinions about how I should better protect them or have some righteous indignation at his stupidity is frankly just stressing me out!