Sunday, November 11, 2007

Dark Night of the Soul...

Is it possible to have a spiritual crisis that is not at the same time a crisis of faith? From where I sit I believe it is. I do not doubt what I believe. I am convinced that my faith is well placed. Yet even the demons believe, and shudder. So how am I not the same as the demons if my faith is not lived out and demonstrated by action. What do you do when you are tired of acting out your faith? To give in to the temptation of sin, all the while knowing the consequence of sin allowed to flourish is death, seems an obviously poor choice. How then do you move forward and live out faith that will bear good fruit when the temptation to give up is so great? Anyone mastered this one yet? When you do let me know...because from where I sit the night is dark for my soul and it's not an easy place to be. My hope is that in the end I will find myself somehow stronger as a result of this spiritual crisis...

7 comments:

Wobbly Librarian said...

Okay. So you want to have sex, huh? Or maybe do something else that is counter to what God says will lead to happiness? Patience, my dear. The reason that the good lord gave us the rules is that sometimes we just need to have the 1,2,3's placed right there in front of us to protect us from some hurts that are deeper than we can imagine. It's because of the love that God has for us. Protect yourself from the demons that are trying to break into your life- seek out your close Christian friends to help you through this crisis.

Elissa said...

Actually it's about so much more than going out and having some stupid romp with a boy...I am wasted tired of working so hard at DOING what God calls me to do, having the right attitude and being the responsible one. I've lived my entire life with those 1,2,3's placed in front of me - it feels an awful lot like legalism to me. I am acutely aware that choosing to walk away from what I know is right will not bring happiness. My problem is that, at least right now, doing what is right isn't bringing me happiness either. I get that Gods laws are there to protect us but I am having trouble seeing the rewards for that. I'm weary and you know what? I've reached out to my closest Christian friends and a funny thing happened...none of them were available. Sucks huh?!? Today has been a better day...still dark but better. I'll pull through I'm sure. Even in my struggle I know God is bigger than my feeble will.

Wobbly Librarian said...

Sorry for my comment. I don't even know you... but you are certainly going through some tough times and have some hurts that are just a wee bit similar to those that others (point the finger at me) have suffered in the past... albeit decades ago. Sorry that your friends were too busy with their happy lives right now.

You know the thing about these blogs that drives me crazy? It seems that everyone has 98 percent great lives, with only 2% struggles, the way that things are portrayed. .... Cute kids saying nice things, lovely 2 parent homes, fun holidays, nice day trips, crafts, book readings, hikes, family gatherings, trying new things, an on and on. I wonder if the blogs that we read are really like that, or if kids ever sass, or if they ever need to think about money, or if ants crawl over the dishes that they were too tired to wash because they were scrambling to finish a load of laundry because they were sick to the stomach and did not bother to fold everything last time so the clean and the dirty got mixed together.

You are brave to post alot of what you do. Raw feelings. Sorry if I stepped on them. You are so very well grounded. I am glad that you recognize that God is bigger than your will. SOunds like your will is not so feeble, either.

Elissa said...

No apology necessary! I'm actually glad to have had the opportunity to clarify...because if everyone who read my post thought what you did then they would have had a skewed idea of what was real for me. Thanks for the chance to make myself understood more clearly...at least for whoever takes time to read the comments

Wobbly Librarian said...

Hope your day goes better tomorrow than it did a day ago, and that the news on the job front comes quickly! (This earth sure can be sucky!)

Jonathan Murtaugh said...

Well I don't know either of you, but I really enjoyed reading your conversation. It's a good example of what blogging CAN be when transparent, caring people are involved. I've been ministered to just by "over-hearing" the conversation.

Elissa said...

Jonathan it is encouraging to know that my random bloggings of painful honesty and the conversations that result are of some benefit to someone!