I was already feeling a little frail I think partly because I have been waiting for the judge to sign off on the divorce settlement agreement. That, and the fact that I recently decided I needed to let the dad pick up the kids for their visits. Well I got a load of paperwork in the mail today from the court and well...it wasn't what I hoped for. Somehow (in spite of the insane amounts of money they make to KNOW these things) my attorney didn't file the right paperwork in the right order. So, in spite of the fact that we agreed to all terms including it being a divorce rather than a legal separation, I'm going to have to file more paperwork. I guess I need to file some form to amend my original separation filing to a divorce filing. Then I will need to serve him that paperwork...wait 31 days...then re-file the settlement agreement. I suspect this means that the divorce won't be final until sometime in March now...ugh! I don't know why that detail irritates me so much but it does. I want it done, free and clear! Ok well at least as done as it will ever be with four kids to raise.
As for the visits thing, I have been told it is not good for the kids to see us together too much. It makes them more uncertain than they already are about what is happening. Plus, truth be told, I don't want to hang out with him - can you blame me really? I feel like at least for the moment he is seeming pretty stable. So for now I have to just trust that God will take care of the kids no matter who they are with. Now I get to learn how to deal with all their questions when they come home. Now to set the scene you might need to know that daddy lives with the bus driver and her five kids in a three bedroom house. That works out to more that 2 people per room already yet he asks why he can't take the kids there. Never mind that the kids don't need to see him (or me either for that matter - I don't discriminate here) with anybody new so soon, where the heck does he plan to put them? On the floor? They have beds here! Sunday night (after their first pick up visit) Isaiah asked why they couldn't go to daddy's house. He said daddy told him he has his own house now. I said daddy lives with other people he doesn't have a whole house to himself. So Isaiah says that Ella has told him that daddy lives with holly and her mom (never mind the other four kids who live there too). He asked if that was true. I told him it is. He said again how he feels like daddy betrayed us and traded us in for another family. I said I was sorry...Isaiah said "it's not your fault mom" so I said "I know, I'm just sad that you're sad" And I am.