Monday, August 20, 2007

I've been contemplating joining the divorce recovery (or some similar) group at church. Here's the problem, I don't feel like I need to recover from anything. I'm not depressed or sad, I'm not spending all my time blaming my ex for my awful life...Actually, I'm content with my life. I have actively dissected my marriage and the things I could have done during the dating process to have prevented finding myself in this situation. I have a plan. I have a goal in terms of career and finances. I have plans for where I want to live. I know I am valuable and that life is not over because I'm not married anymore. I am not particularly desperate to get married again, though I will admit that I hope someday I do. There are so many things I will do differently the next time around.
My real reason for thinking about joining a divorce recovery type group is that I want to get out. I would like to meet people who are, relatively speaking, where I am. People to go out with a few times a month who also don't have spouses. Where else am I going to find people who are in a similar place in life? I could go to a young adults group...but how many of them will have four kids...or any for that matter? I guess I want to be able to spend time with people who might share some common ground. On the flip side though I keep thinking that people in divorce recovery might be really bitter, sad, angry...or a lot of other things I'm not. I don't want to surround myself with miserable people. What should I do? Maybe I'll just go take a photography class instead...

1 comment:

Sue said...

I know what you mean.
Several years ago I lost my mom and two granddaughters (one preborn, but who says THAT hurts any less?) in the span of 6 weeks. I felt like everywhere I turned Big Old Hairy Death was grabbing at me. But I never felt the need to attend a Grief Recovery seminar.
Two years ago, my beloved Daddy died, and that one knocked the air out of me. I ache for him every single day, and as I write this, I am bawling like it happened yesterday.
So do I need an organized system of "recovery"? I don't think I'm interested in recovering from missing my Dad. I've worked through all the daddy/daughter issues, and I understand completely why he was--and IS!-- such an important part of my life. But that's my point. I'm working through the abysmal feeling of loss...just me and God together. I'm willing to talk to my friends about it, so there's a support system there.
We are a lot alike, you and me, and I think you're doing the same thing. You're finding YOUR healing through the people in your life you know you can dump on and trust with the contents of the dump. On the other hand...
Although you are not in Needy Mode after this fiasco, your kids are. They might benefit from a dose of Divorce Recovery. Can you take them, and think about your own participation like watching Highschool Musical ONE MORE TIME: you don't get much out of it, but it makes you feel a little better, and it certainly holds the kids' attention!