Friday, August 3, 2007

I just had to mention that...

They didn't just look pretty - they taste pretty good too! I haven't gotten reviews from my neighbor yet but I'm pretty sure I will at some point. more important news...I went to Riverside Sheriff's testing yesterday only to find out I wasn't actually taking the big test that I thought. Instead I take a big huge scary (dun, dun, dun...) TYPING TEST! Now seriously I didn't think there was a person on the planet that couldn't type 35 words a minute accurately. I guess I was wrong! Some poor girl was devastated because she didn't pass the typing test. I think I'd have been pretty upset too...and may have considered having my hands amputated for betraying me if I had failed... I didn't - apparently I can type. I have to qualify my speed by mentioning that the stupid keyboard that I was testing on was retarded...super old, and was so stiff you had to p-u-s-h e-v-e-r-y l-e-t-t-e-r v-e-r-y d-e-l-i-b-e-r-a-t-e-l-y in order for it to actually register. It was so not my laptop! Anyway I type 50 wpm on a dinosaur. And I go back for the "real" test in a few weeks.

Can I also say that, while I am happy with my life and very content with my current way of being, I am not fond of a certain question that gets asked in social situations. It's happened a few times at different places but it is awkward in any location... To set up the scene: I am somewhere where there are lots of people - many with kids - and making small talk with people who I don't know very well. Someone invariably asks which kids are mine - this part I'm cool with, I'm not trying to leave any of my kids behind when I leave and the more people who know which kids belong to me the more likely it is someone will mention it to me when one of them tries to escape...but back to my some point in the conversation they will say "so where's your husband?" my answer... " Uh, well, I don't have one." I think that might be the most difficult part life as I now know it.

I'm now that woman with all the kids and no husband. I have this internal urge to make sure people know they all have the same daddy. What does that say about me? I'm afraid that I'm being judged - do I care more about what people think of me than what God knows? I'm just mulling around in my head trying to decide if it is wrong for me to feel like I need to explain my situation to people. I wonder if people are speaking in low whispers behind my back. I wish I could say that I am more confident than that. I wish I could say that I know my position as a child of God well enough to not care about what people think or say about me. I guess I do know it but putting it into practice isn't always natural or easy. I'm glad at times like this to remember that God sees me as His child. Perfection isn't my task it is His work in me and His power is made perfect in my weakness. I am definitely weak - so I'm glad He is strong.

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